Another New Kid on the Block (triggering material)

[Engelke]

I'm 44 and have had a LOT of times where I have been extremely depressed when I was 16. I have been suicidal twice, both times I did try. I often wonder why I never did succeed. I know God has a plan for me and maybe I am not supposed to know what the plan is, but I wish I could know. Most of the people I am friendly with my only contact is through email and facebook messaging. Since I had few friends growing up, I never was able to get the social skills that most people have. I am still painfully shy. I have times where I know what I want to say to someone, but when it comes time to face them, I can't. That's what started things off this time. I have been feeling completely alone. Part of me feels that way and part of me doesn't. I occasionally have been spilling my guts to a friend of mine who is an actor in local theater. I did it again Friday night when I didn't get a chance to apologize for being too emotional to him. That's pretty strange. Part of what I told him this time was that I either had to shut down my emotions completely or I would kill myself. I have no idea why I said all that I did. I am just sick of having this pain yet again.

[hollyann]

Hi Engelke. Welcome to the forum. I understand that sometimes it can be hard to reach out. So I am glad you reached out to us here. You are definately not alone. I hope by posting you will come to see this. And please feel free to join the chatroom when you are ready.

holly