Me

[Eagle]

Hello All: Thought I'd reach out and actually try to interact with the outside world in an effort to address my depression. Its not nearly as bad as it is many times. I've recently eliminated alcohol as an antecedent to little avail. Though Winter will drop me hard, I've been just terrible this Summer too. I have a lot of knowledge to share and hope to learn from you as well. Mostly, I was looking for someone to connect to who recognizes the way I feel and understands and accepts that as even the few people who care about me are essentially clueless and world's apart. I've recently dealt with my hopelessness by retreating from as much as humanly possible; in part to reduce damage I'll do with my negativism. Wish this could have worked out but apparantly it was not meant to as I cannot get on the chat board. Jinxed again and I accept full responsiblity for having the hope and initiative to come here. I tried so hard today, slept almost the entire day off and on, only ate, read, surfed; talked to no-one other than a telemarketer. I've sacrificed greatly to be a good person. Why am I still being punished and doomed? Why cannot I depend on the smallest of things to go right? Why did I have to be the surviving twin? When will it end.

[jj]

hello Eagle, welcome to the forums.

youve come to the right place to connect with people who understand how you feel, we're all the same or similar boats and this place is full of caring and compassionate people.
also well done on eliminating alcohol from your life, thats a great positive step!
you say you are a surviving twin, was this from birth? im very sorry you have had to live with that, is that a factor of why you are depressed?

jj

[Eagle]

JJ I'm probably doing this wrong, I don't really get how to do things like this on the computer. I'm always close, but usually off enough so everything comes to a standstill. Just like everything else I guess. Just wanted to thank you for responding. No one else did. Apparantly I'm still alone as per usual. Thought I could talk to someone here but thats not happening. I can't seem to get onto the chat boards. I emailed for support and got nothing. God or fate really does hate me. Its shown every day. At least I've learned to make it hard for God to really (this word edited) me up since I don't leave the house and try not to do anything, I've learned not to have hope, aspirations etc. this only provides fuel for the fire. Hope your life works out better

[Mountain_Mamma]

Eagle... Very powerful name you have there, and reaching out shows strength...

Keep posting, or PM me if you'd like.

Best Wishes.

[jj]

hey Eagle, if you want to get to the chat room you can follow this link

http://www.depression-chat-rooms.org/li ... /index.php

in regards to responding, give it some time, sometimes people dont catch the posts right away, give it some time

well if youve learned not to have hope, that is something you can re-teach yourself surely. hope is a very very powerful thing.

have you sought help for your depression, been to a doctor or anything? i think you should try to get back into society. isolation-although it feels like the easier thing to do when we feel like this- can be very detrimental. i know for me isolating defnitely makes me feel much much worse. somehow weve got to push through and force ourselves to keep on interacting with people.

also, Eagle, you may notice '(this word edited)' in your post. this was done because we don't allow cursing on the forums.

try to keep positive, hugs to you,

jj

[Eagle]

Thanks for your reply jj. I tried your link, same exact response. Nothing. As expected. See, I'm simply not allowed the simplist things others get, even depressed people. That makes it more depressing than normal. I do have good news though, in a couple of days I'll be able to move into my own solitary housing and won't have to deal with a single person day after day. Won't have to be embarrassed to be me, to avert my eyes, avoid conversation, engagement. I won't have to feel guilty to be up half the night and sleep half the day. Best of all, its in the proper place for me; a basement. This place won't meet my requirements after all as I value honest communication and that requires the judicious use of swearing in my opinion. I left another chat board because I couldn't take the constant optimism spewed by nondepressives. I'm so tired of people who are content or happy for no apparent reason. We have nothing in common. Now I really feel stupid for trying the chat room again - I knew better.

[Mountain_Mamma]

I too can cuss like a sailor to express myself, but such is life, there is a time and a place.

Still new here myself, but there are some very tender skinned folks around, and some minors too...

So lets make it a game.... and get FREAKING creative... Oh SNAP... We could start a DOG GAMNIT trend..



Just playin Eagle... Hope I made you smile.

All the best.

[MichelleDenise]

I don't know that I can be much help to you as I am pretty down myself right now. It is the reason I am on the board now. I have to agree that isolating yourself is not the answer. That is what I am trying to get out of right now. I stay at home all the time and cannot hold a job. I am trying to get out and meet new people. I think you should continue to try and reach out to anyone that you can.

[Obayan]

Sending warm hugs and great wishes to you all with such wonderful advice here. I hope you find what you need here eagle.