So, um, hi.

[weordmyndum]

I'm Sara. I'm 24. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember.

I've been in and out of hospitals since I was 16 for suicide attempts, self-harm, eating disorders, the whole dysfunctional package deal. I can't seem to get better--I'll get one problem under control, and something else will rear its ugly head. I feel completely hopeless.

I've done everything you're supposed to do when you're depressed. I've tried pretty much every psych med in the PDR, and nothing really touches my depression--I get all the side effects but none of the intended effects. I've done pretty much every kind of therapy known to man. I'm working with an outpatient treatment team, but they don't really know what to do with me. I'm in therapy four times a week, but that doesn't seem to be helping much, either. I'm probably starting ECT after Christmas because everyone's out of other ideas to try.

I basically have no life outside of my illness, anymore. I've bombed out of college, oh, four times now, I think. Not because I couldn't do the work academically--I just couldn't manage it on top of my illness. I used to write, publish, win awards: now I can hardly read a book, and I hate the sound of my own voice. I have no real-life friends anymore and rarely leave my apartment for anything but therapy: all my friends are on the internet. I struggle with nearly constant suicidality. I just don't know how I'm supposed to keep living with this when there's no relief in sight.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

Hi weordmyndum,

Welcome to the forums, I truly hope you will find and receive the support all these great chatters give. A great 'family' here. We all deal with the depression and anxiety, peer support is the best in my opinion.

We don't have the answers, no professional people, but still wish we could answer the dilemma that we deal with. Keep posting and reading, we are here for each other.

We also have a chat room connected with this site, a really good place to meet and talk with others.

It does help to get the feelings and thoughts out, especially to others that do understand.

Warmsoul