Depressed boyfriend - please help.

[thor226]

My name is Jenny, I'm 25 and live in the Twin Cities (Minnesota). I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and lived with him for 3 1/2 years. He has been depressed since he was a teenager (is now 31) and takes medication and sees a psychiatrist.

I want to be patient and supportive of him but his depression has taken a toll on my own mental health. I started taking medication for anxiety about a year ago, and while I blamed my job for the stress and anxiety, I know my relationship was a big part as well.

Right now I really feel as if we've hit rock bottom. We are living with his parents to save money which doesn't bother me but bothers him. My boyfriend has had a series of jobs he hates and feels like he is not living up to his own expectations in life, especially because he does not use his college degree. He hates his current job and claims he also hates his life. We've been arguing a lot and not connecting well as a couple so I have been looking for a couples counselor.

I don't know how much longer I can handle this relationship. Thinking of the happy times and looking at pictures of the cruise we took with his family earlier this year is the only thing keeping me going.

I told him I was hoping we could have a date night tonight and that he could chose where to go, but when he came home from work he went into the bedroom with hardly a word, shut the door, and turned on the TV. I feel so helpless and lonely and don't know what to do. I don't like talking about it to my friends and family too much because I don't think they'll understand and don't want them to judge him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

[-Stephen-]

Hi and welcome ((((( thor226 )))))

It's admirable that you've been there for your boyfriend. Please of course take into account how this all is playing on your own mental health.

The forums seem a little slow at the moment, but no doubt will pick up again soon. If it's of any help to you, the chat room is much busier, and you can access it by clicking on "Depression Chat Rooms" at the top of the screen, or simply by clicking here: http://depression-understood.org/mainchat/mainchat1.htm

I apologise I am not much of a forum poster, but I wanted to welcome you.

Stephen

[hollyann]

Welcome thor. I hope you can find the couples counselor that you are seeking. and maybe try individual therapy as well. Also you might want to look up information on how to help a love one cope with depression. And maybe suggest a med change for him. Also its hard living with parents and being dependent on someone. Especially can be if parents are part of the reason for that depression. Has he thought about disability? While its not a job it would at least be an income. There are low income apartments section 8, or apartments done by individual apartment complexes.

Wishing you the best
Holly