I think I speak for us all, when I say: Er.......Um......

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I'm using a computer to talk about myself for the first time on the first internet forum that I've ever tried to access. ( Keep telling myself, this is not a recipe for disaster, this is not a recipe for disaster......! )
Still I promised my support worker to be more confident, so here goes!
I've always experienced depression, but tried, often unsuccessfully I belive, to hide it. In June I had three bouts of a viral ear infection, which combined with the ticking depression, and a previously undiognosed inherited genetic blood disorder, led to my depression and anxiety becoming so extreme that I experienced strong suicidal inclinations. I was then off work for five months while the NHS ( Britain's National Health service put me together(ish) again.
I don't have a computer at home, so I access the internet through the South Wales public library system. While I was browsing Google, I came across this site and Warmsoul's Corner. ( Thanks Warmie! ) And the rest is history, so here I am. And that's probably enough for now. We Welsh are poets, dreamers and fools, but we so don't do brevity!!!![/b]

[xn728]

talking into the wind ,im glad you found us here ,dont worry it wont turn out to be a disaster for you ,i live in england ,nr sheffeild ,the welsh are very warm people ,you can talk freely about your depression here ,we all understand ,welcome home my freind ,as you dont have a pc at home it will probably be monday before you can acess this good luck ,hope you find what your looking for ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,xn728

[Mich]

Welcome to the forum tackingintothewind - it's nice to have you here. There are many warm and caring people on this forum who are here to support you. I am a woman in my 40's from Canada but there are all ages on here and people from across the globe. I hope you enjoy it here.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Thank you both for your kind welcome. I still find it hard to talk about my feelings. Partly, because it's still seen as something that " real " men don't do, and partly because I come from a very British, middle-class, " stiff upper-lip " background. But denying my depression didn't work, and I have ruled out carrying on the way I was as an option, I want my life back, I want my life BETTER. So, I'm starting to manage my depression,, to balance my depression and anxiety. I've found this site to be really helpful as an observer, hopefully I can also contribute something as well.

[shatteredhopes]

((((((((((((TackingintotheWind)))))))))) you have been so helpful to me and others on this site, but haven't seen you post much about you. How are you doing?

Also, please stop worrying about your comments being trite or trival....from everything I've seen you post 1) you show extraordinary insight 2) you care, and often that's all I and I am sure others need, is someone to care and acknowledge what they are experiencing and provide encouragement. I have found your comments very helpful and encouraging. I know, I worry too, as I am long-winded and want to try to"fix" things that I can't fix and desperately try to help...but hopefully people know I'm just trying to be helpful and if I offend, they will tell me.

You are a welcome addition to this site friend. Sending you thoughts of peace and light for your day...

[Mich]

Tackingintothewind - let me also say that you have been very helpful to me and also very caring. I appreciate you so much for commenting on my posts. I would love to do the same for you if you decide to post some more about yourself.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((((( Tackingintothewind ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Consider this your extended family and/or friends.

Keep posting, it does help.

Warmie

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I'm doing OK. Taking things one day at a time, thinking of myself as a work in progress! I am learning to, and working at, managing my depression. I'm lucky in that one of my colleagues at work also experiences depression, so we've formed an informal two-person self-help group! I can feel depression rolling in like a dark cloud sometimes, but, I am getting better at not getting swept completely away by it. ( If anyone hasn't already done so, check out LisaLou's haikus. Particularly, the one titled " Ominous ", that's exactly how I feel sometimes. ) I still find myself teetering on the edge of an anxiety attack quite frequently, but I can keep it damped down by various tricks until I can calm myself down. If only the International Olympic Committee would make deep, calming breathing an Olympic event. At least the UK could be sure of one Gold medal!
I'm also being treated for Genetic Haemochromatosis ( GH ), an inherited genetic blood disorder, that is effectively the opposite of anaemia. Instead of having to little iron in my blood I have too much. Ironically, ( Pun unintended, I promise! ) the symptoms of too much iron are similar to too little iron. These include tiredness, depression, etc. So I effectively had depression in duplicate, clinical depression worsened by depression as a symptom of GH. ( You know us bureaucrats, we do everything in duplicate! ) Fortunately, I was diagnosed before any real damage was done to me physically, and I'm feeling much better as a result of the treatments I've been getting at a local hospital. Treatment is quite simple, a certain amount of blood has been taken from me roughly every fortnight since June. This tricks my body into making more blood, and using up the excess iron in the process. Although, my friends haven't let me hear the end of the one time I fainted during a treatment! I tried describing it as a Man-faint to make it sound better, but I don't think it worked!
Thanks so much for your kindness and encouragement, Mich, ShatteredHopes and Warmie. One of my main depression triggers is my feelings of social isolation, many UK doctors now believe that single men living alone with no family can be particularly prone to depression. I'm not close to my parents. And, I've never quite believed that a woman could really find me attractive if she knew me too well. So, I've always tended to keep women I've found attractive at a certain distance.So, I really like the idea of everyone on this site being friends/family.
I've found this site really helpful in my own life, so it would make make feel good if I can help others in return.
( This posting will shortly be published in three volumes by the Oxford University Press. I so don't do brevity! )

[shatteredhopes]

You have a delightful sense of humor! I'm long-winded too, maybe we were seperated at birth? Brotherly love and friendship your way...