Hi All

[Mich]

I just joined the forum today. I am a 46 year old woman who was diagnosed with major depression 4.5 years ago. I am also in recovery from anorexia. I am having a particularly rough time right now with severe depression. I feel like I am going to be completely swallowed up by it. The darkness, hopelessness and despair are so overwhelming that sometimes I feel as if I am going mad. I am on medication but sense that I either need a boost up in dose or a change since this combo seems to have lost its effectiveness. I am not an angry depressive. I completely isolate, neglect my self care and withdraw from my husband and 2 kids. It just hurts too much to do anything else but that. I am in therapy with a psychiatrist but feel like I need somewhere to get the dark feelings out in between appointments. My husband is tired of the whole thing and I don't have any friends...not that I should be burdening these people anyway. I have been sleeping in and living in the same clothes for the past week. My energy and motivation are nil and I just don't care any more. In the past I have been so desperate to get some relief from this that I have overdosed on meds and ended up in the hospital. I have had many admissions to the psych ward over the years and am battling to keep myself safe and out of the hospital now. It is so hard to keep the faith that things will get better.

[Monty]

Hi Mich,

I had gotten a email saying that there was reply to my ECT posting, so I answered it before I saw that you had an email under the "New Member Introductions". If I had checked I would have read this one, introducting yourself before going on the ECT topic.

Welcome to the forums. I am glad that you reached out to us for help. I know that the regulars must get tired of reading this, but we are here to listen to whatever you want to share, and there is no judging.

I am sorry that things aren't going well for you.

Depression is a very cruel disease and you seem to be going through a very rough time now. I am also but am glad that both of us seem to be able to post here. I have found the site, and the people one of the rocks that I lean upon.

I have suffered from depression for many years, also when my children were young (they are now out on their own). I am wondering if maybe you need more of an outlet for your feelings by seeing a therapist, in addition to seeing the psychiatrist.

I have been assessed with the bipolar II diagnosis (refuse to say that I am bipolar. Just like you would not say that "someone is cancer". Depression is a disease, not a label to be attached to me) and in my rough spots I don't take care of myself. It seems to be all that I can do to just breathe.

I also have been in the revolving door of the psych wards. At least we didn't let "it" win, we are still here to write about our lives.

I won't go on and on, any longer.

Just wanted to let you know that a lot of us feel that the depression has robbed us of our friends.
Try to keep in mind, that by reaching out to this site, you have immediately gotten yourself some good friends. We all know what it is like to suffer so there is no need to put on a sunny face for us.

Hope to hear from you soon.

[Whisper]

Hi Mich,

I noticed your own newbie post just now and I see you are a lady, not a guy like I'd assumed when you posted to me. Thanks for that too, I'll just reply to you in here then. I woke to a horrible morning but turned it around and I gave myself something to look forward to tonight. "The Pursuit of Happiness" is on soon, great movie.

So if there is one little tip I can give to you now, knowing you are girl too and must feel extra ick not changing for a week, I'd ask you to give yourself a bath or shower. Whatever you'd like better, find something to enjoy about it, the smell of soap, warm water, knowing you are caring for yourself, knowing your hubby will appreciate it. If you can muster it treat yourself to a leg shaving. You will feel at least a teeny bit better after, I guarantee it, maybe much more than you think now. I struggle w/ the shower thing too, but always feel better to have it behind me.


Jeanne (Whisper)

[Monty]

Hi Mich,

Just a note to say that is one way that I know that I am getting really ill. When I start to neglect my personal hygiene.

Before my showers became less and less frequent, I found that I would stop brushing my teeth. Before I became so ill, I always took really good care of my teeth.

After 20 years of abuse they are certainly not commented on like before (at least in a good way). I am getting to the dentist more often now and my teeth look better.

I always knew that I needed to shower or brush my teeth, but know that it is hard sometimes to get all of the act together, to get the job completed.

Funny thing is that my daughter is marrying a dentist. Go figure.