Personal thoughts / Introductions

[Maybel2040]

I'm here because a while while back I lost my sibling to suicide. And while I want to let it go I cannot. I also don't feel happy with myself either and the person who I want to be is far from the person that I am. My sibling was crying for help and I feel like everyday I'm crying for help like I want to be better but I have wasted so much time. I feel as an adult I'm hopeless and that as a child I was overlooked.

I sometimes want to blame society for not teaching me to be strong to stand up for myself when kids bullied me to not listen to others when they reject or make fun of my hobbies.

I sometimes really want to blame adults for not having been more observant during my childhood. I was quiet, I caused no trouble, listened to the teacher but my academic progress was below average. I was held back a year without any inquiry of me during 3rd grade then I was made fun of by my peers. It was so embarrassing. I'm now 27, I still don't know what to do with my life but I wish I would have been a dancer. I wish I could turn back time stand up for myself and my hobbies. Or I wish I could have persisted more in my college job applications. I wish I had people who cared about me who actually knew how to guide me or empower me.

Right now, I'm not sure what I'm doing but I am trying to be a teacher since mathematics was something that I enjoyed in the past. I'm not sure I actually enjoyed it or if it was the fact that my family and people around me praised me for studying it.

Anyway that is where I am at and those are my thoughts that run in my mind from time to time.

Somebody please create a time machine! Thanks

[Chuck Wood]

An often successful way for us to cope with that agony you feel is to imagine if they were here with us, what would they say is good for us and how we need to stay healthy as we can be. Their death came as a choice they make for them, nothing directly implying we didn't care or love them too little. Only that pain was too severe for them, it will always be that way. So now, we should ask, what is the best way we can carry the sadness we have and progress in life as well. 2 of my brothers died of suicide. My mother shared that for her the magical time is starting the second year with this pain. Somehow they cycle of life eventually dampens the sting a bit. I wish for you all you need to stay healthy and be strong with this weight we carry. *hugs*

[CamGirl]

Is there a chance you could go somewhere for a while? I think that will help with coping. To try and see new things.