My Dad made a small fortune by working hard and “not having a family to support”. He has told me a thousand times that he didn’t want any children. Claims he didn’t use a condom one time in his life and I was the result. Later, he changed this claim to the fact that he believes that I was the result of immaculate conception...no kidding. He gave me birthday presents and then took them back. Some of those he didn’t take back, my Mother would take and sell.
From 1998 to 2005, I had a nice e-commerce business. My Mother, while babysitting, got into my records. Used my passwords, started pulling my orders, copying them, then deleting them from the server. She set up her own merchant credit card processing account and began charging my customers. My customers would contact me asking why they weren’t getting their orders, orders that I didn’t know existed. She also used my customer’s identities to commit crimes. I tracked down the problem. I tried to fix it, but was too late. It turns out that trying to fix a problem instead of reporting it makes you a part of a conspiracy. In 2007, I was arrested. So was my Mother. We were convicted in federal court of the same charges. I did a good job of fighting my case. I paid $65,000 of restitution, she paid nothing. I got 60 days, mostly because it was so hard to believe that a little old lady could do such things. She got 3 ½ years. But, I was a felon now. I cannot vote, I cannot run for office. I cannot get a good job. I cannot own a firearm. My picture was on the front page of the newspaper, and on the evening news. Hundreds of people “my victims” wanted me dead...no joke.
Now, through all of this, my Wife stuck with me. She was ,at times, grudgingly there for me, but she was there for me. All she would have had to do to rid herself of these problems was walk out. She stayed. We’re still together after 28 years now. Mom, of course, stole both her and my identities and used them to commit crimes, and ruined our credit rating.
So anyway, two years ago my health started to suffer from all of this. Within a two month period I had a kidney stone, pneumonia, and a stroke. I’m greatly weakened, both mentally and physically. I get tired quickly, and have to sleep more than I like to keep a clear head. I’m under a doctor’s care, and a neurologist. They tell me that this is just how it’s going to be from now on, and that this will increase my risk of further mental difficulties later in life, such as those my parents are now afflicted with...Yeah, there’s more.
Mom is now 87, Dad 83. Dad got alzheimer's when he was 80, and his memory is now shot. But, it’s shot in a very specific manner in regards to me. He not only doesn’t remember things, that I could understand, but he always remembers things that are to my detriment, but never those to my credit. He also “creates” his own memories that are quite different from reality. To him, he was the perfect father and to blame for nothing. He frequently believes that he’s still married to Mom, and just having an affair with his second wife. Once, many years ago, I was in a bad position and living on about 800 calories a day. I asked him to send me twenty dollars. The man is a millionaire. He sent me nothing and I continued to suffer for a long time. Now, he “remembers” the incident. He “remembers” that I asked him and that he sent it and how it made him feel like a good parent. I can’t begin to express how much this angers me. He once gave me some money when I was about 18, about $10,000. Later, he changed his mind and claimed it was a loan. Every so often he added on “interest”. What this amounted to was that every so often, the amount he claimed that I owed him mysteriously doubled. At last count, he claims I owe him over $700,000. I’m never going to pay him a cent, but his wife will use this as leverage against me inheriting anything should the occasion arise. Every time I am around him, he bemoans himself to me about how poor he is...all from the comfort of his paid for in advance, half million dollar house, with three cars, two tractors, gold coins, full bank accounts, etc. He really believes his own bullshit.
About a year ago, Mom was diagnosed with dementia. About half of the time, she doesn’t know who I am. She thinks that I am her boyfriend and wants to marry me. She can’t live with us because the last time she was at our house, watching our eldest daughter while I was at the hospital with my wife who was having our second daughter, she stole about 2/3ds of my wife’s jewelry, and most of my power tools. She then took them to a pawn shop. I found the pawn receipt years later at her apartment. I won’t allow Medicare to force her assets to be depleted, she has a large life insurance policy, before being able to be covered for a nursing home stay. I guess my position is that I’ll be damned before I’m willing to give it up after what I’ve been through.
So, I’m now paying her rent and utilities, and caring for her daily. Doesn’t she get social security ? Yes, and a state retirement benefit...believe it or not she was a police officer. Anyhow, she never trusted me with anything. So, I don’t know where she does her banking. I’m definitely not her power of attorney. She’s at this point not mentally competent to sign anything over to me. So, all of her benefits go somewhere and sit there. Maybe I’ll inherit them when she’s gone. But then again, since I don’t even know where it is, you can’t claim what you don’t know exists. Additionally, I can’t afford to hire an attorney to have her declared incompetent or find these assets as long as I’m having to pay her bills.
While driving home the other night from taking care of Mom, a thought occurred to me. In the event that Dad’s wife died, she’s 80, I’d end up in the same position with him that I am with Mom. He also has never, and will never tell me where anything is or allow me to have access to his accounts with which to manage his care. I could easily end up paying his bills too while I wait for him to pass, and hundreds of thousands of dollars would be lost considering he has no will, and, once again, you can’t claim what you don’t know exists.
So, I’m a felon with no real work history except as the owner of a business which was brought down by crime. I couldn’t get a good job to save my life, and my health isn’t such that I can handle a bad job. I tried to get on disability, got turned down. The logic behind that: my stroke doesn’t actually stop me from doing anything I could do before, it just makes it much more difficult...wow. I’m a 49 year old, married with two children. I used to be a genius. I’m a stroke victim. Now I’m just inconsistently smart. My family name is a pariah in the community I live in. I can’t move. I’m having to pay my own bills and those of some of the people who helped put me in this position, people who are very physically healthy, but mentally completely shot. People in my family on both sides have a history of long lives, almost all of them into their 90s and some over 100. I don’t know if I want to go that long.
I don’t know if I’m depressed, or if I’m completely normal and my life just really, really sucks. What I need is advice, good advice that abides within the confines of the positions I’ve laid out above and that I can actually do.
