A Dark Step Into The Unknown

[fische18]

Hello to anybody who may be reading this. I have to say that as I am typing this on my phone, I feel a bit ridiculous at the on-set. The reason being that I've always been a strong proponent in the idea that if you have an issue within your own mind, then it is only you who can truly conquer it. What good is enunciating my issues with an unknown, unidentified audience going to do for me? It's not that I question the intentions or well-wishes of such forms (praise be to you who take the time to not only read these posts, but to attempt to construct meaningful insight relating to said posts) but that I question the reliability of such an audience to provide me with credible insight. This is the issue that I have with not only empathetic onlookers, but more specifically, the so-called psychologists of the world: You may come to partially understand me from what I describe to you, but will you ever be me? Will you ever feel as deeply or as exactly as I feel even about the most mundane of situations, let alone the differential situations of my personal existence? The simple, yet obvious answer that I have decided upon is: No. Yet here I am, in my partially intoxicated state stating to the unknown that I feel meaningless. I have heard and told myself all of the cliches: "No one will ever be like you." "You are irreplaceable." "You have a purpose that you have yet to find." Forgive me for my cynicism, but I believe not one of you and most importantly, I don't believe myself when any of these statements are made. While they may be true to an extent, their consequences are not so far-reaching that I feel I should concern myself with their truth values. Of course I understand that my family and friends love me, but would their lives really be that much more miserable if I hadn't been a part of it. I seem to myself so insignificant. An alien from another planet that must learn to live with human beings. I am a 22 year old virgin which is the attribute that I begrudgingly fixate on. I know that it ridiculous to define oneself via a single characteristic, yet I cannot seem to escape this self-reproach. I'm sure that my ----- (semi-addiction) hasn't helped, but am too proud or too competitive to accept the fact that I am unable to conquer myself on my own. How foolish this may seem to many of you, but it's so indescribable how one's experience of life truly is. I hope I have given you all a taste and have not offended any of you too much. These are simply my thoughts and feelings as they have unraveled on my first post. Forgive me if it seems unorganized and not easily understood. I have just decided to try this after another night of fairly heavy drinking and continued dissatisfaction.

Cheers all the same,
"A work-in-progress"

[Bardsley]

Hello,

I think you raise some good questions and make some really good points, but I think your premise might be wrong. I don't think it's really a therapist's job, for example to understand you so completely that they can provide you with answers. I think it's a therapist's job to ask the right questions and guide you to the answers that are already inside you. Only you can conquer an obstacle in your own mind, but sometimes outside feedback can help.


As for being a commenter on this forum, my ambitions are even smaller than asking the right questions. As I type this, several months too late, into my phone I admit to feeling a little foolish. However, I am doing it anyway in the hopes that you get this message and helps you to know that someone cared enough to reply.