Hey!! Newbie needing friends :)

[xXnothinXx]

hey, I'm a female aged 15. I haven't been diagnosed to have depression because no one really knows how bad my depression is, I'm good at hiding it with a smile

I have been self-harming as long as I can remember. It started off because I was abused and neglected as a child while I lived with my Mum. As a result of this I find it hard to gain trust with people and don't have many friends.

I didn't properly go to school until year 4. While I was in primary school me, my dad and my brother was living with my dads girlfriend and for 4 years they had an on off relationship. From year 4 through to year 6 I was in and out of 2 different schools. I was bullied in one and a bully in another- I regret being a bully and have apologised to the people I hurt. I also didn't really try hard at anything I did.

High school was and still is hard. Year 7 I made some friends and ended up hanging around in the library, mainly doing homework. Year 8 I moved classes and didn't know anyone in this class- the pressure was on to find some friends in this class. By year 9 I had new friends I used to hag around with. In year 9 and 10 me, my dad and brother had been kicked out of my dads new girlfriends house a couple of times. In the six week holiday in between me moving into year 11 me, my brother and dad was yet again kicked out of my dads ex's house. we have been homeless since the 11th of September. We are on the list for a counsel house but at the moment it feels like were going to be living in a cabin for the rest of our lives!

So its the year I have all my GCSE's to take but its hard to find time to revise when I work 2 days a week, bringing in about £50 a week and I also look after my brother on most weekdays because my dad has a night job. He is looking for a day job but hasn't seen anything he likes.

I'm currently in an abusive relationship, I'm used for the "fun" parts. Non of my family know this and they don't need to because it will be over soon. I was wrong with giving him a second chance. Our relationship used to be good and not abusive but he ended it and a week later wanted me back. I thought he still loved me until a couple of nights ago which has left me in a lot of pain.

Anyway, after my life story....I have found this site and thought I would come on here and try and meet some people who understand me and what im going through...yeah, I'm pretty young but life seems to be a never ending nightmare that I'm living. My dad is depressed, he did lose the love of his life. My best friend is depressed, watching her go through foster care and being took from one family to another. I get texts from her all the time, she askes me to let her kill herself, she askes me not too be angry with her when she does.
I keep going everyday to keep the people I love and care for going. If I had no one I wouldn't bother.
I love helping people, so please don't be afraid to talk to me...I will always try and help you.
Would really appreciate it if you did take some time to get to know me and maybe become friends, it would be nice to have more support there for me

I hope this isn't in too much detail, sorry if it has brought back memories to you that you wish to forget. I want to get to know some people on here so write a bit about yourself below.
[I usually wouldn't have come out and told random people what I just have but its hard holding it all in...I haven't wrote into detail about what happened, a lot more has happened but, it fine its only me.]
Would love to talk to some people on here and get to know the site better

ღ Thank you for your time ღ
xXnothinXx

[Ieris]

Hello,

You are such a strong and kind hearted young lady. I am sorry to hear about your situation, it must be terrible not having a stable home and not knowing where you will end up. It is great to hear that you are doing what you can to help your family out, sticking together and playing your part. It is amazing what you are doing for your age, I honestly believe you are going to grow up and be a fantastic person. Stay strong and positive no matter how rough the tide is, I know it's not easy but whenever you feel down, come here to talk or vent and somebody will listen.

Has the council given you an estimate for how long you will have to wait for a property? Also do you have to stay in that area?

People who abuse you verbally/physically/emotionally aren't worth your time, you need to avoid those people like the plague! Surround yourself with good people and your life will become better, not those who drag you down the hole they're in. Kick that guy aside and find someone who adores you, you are such a sweet girl and deserve so much better!

I hope you get housing soon so you and your family can settle down and live a stable life. All the best x

[Doogie]

Hello xXnothinXx,

You definitely deserve a lot of credit for your courage and strength. Amid all you have been through, you still wish to be helpful to others. That type of character can't be taught...and is a great quality that most people lack.

You are young so please do be careful online.

Ieris is right, don't put up with people that that abuse you in any manner. If they can't treat you with the respect you deserve, then they shouldn't be a part of your life. You have a bright future ahead of you, don't let worthless people take that away from you.

And please don't self harm yourself anymore. I understand the feelings surrounding this, but it's not something that leads to improving anything in your life. Instead, when you get these feelings/urges, try and focus on doing something that benefits you.

You may not have had the past you want, but it's the past and does not define your future. Set your sights on what you would like to accomplish for yourself, and don't let anyone keep you from working towards this.

I'm not sure what your aspirations are, but you seem to have a personality that would lend itself well to being a counselor.

[xXnothinXx]

thanks for the support Ieris, I have always been doing more then what I should at my age. I had to look after my brother when I was younger so I kind of had to grow up to keep me and him going.
Im always trying to keep positive and keep my head held high, just sometimes it gets too much.
The council hasn't told us how long it will be because we have to go on a website and bid for houses, but because we are only entitled to a 3 bed there are other people who have a higher need of a house who end up taking it. There is usually not a lot of 3 beds that come up.
I understand that people who abuse me shouldn't be in my life that's why he is gone. I go through enough as it is, I don't need him to abuse me how he was. Today hasn't been that bad so I suppose it can only get better from here onwards .
I hope we get housing too, it would be nice.

Hey Doogie,
I am a strong person because I believe the people around me who rely on me don't deserve to see the pain I go through, I know it would hurt them. I stay strong to see other peoples happiness and to help keep people going.
Yes I'm young and don't worry, I'm always pretty safe online
I also try my best not to self harm. I do it very rarely when I have hit rock bottom. The last time I self harmed was the 28th of September so it was a month and 2 weeks yesterday. Its hard not to self harm because I feel the urge to self harm a lot.
My past defiantly hasn't been the best and looking to the future is also something that I don't really like doing because I'm not sure if I will be living where I am or moving back to my home town after this year. I always try my best when I do my GCSE's and just when I'm in lessons because I do want a better future for me. Also thanks for the idea of me becoming a counsellor, I had never really had an idea about what I wanted to do but that does seem like a good idea.

ღ Thanks for the support! ღ
xXnothinXx

[WillieWillieHH]

for my own perception, you are strong and attractive person. you don't even need an advice, cause i know you can carry yourself alone i wish all the best of luck to you

[xXnothinXx]

awwww, thank you

its hard but yeah, I do manage to keep going. Some how

[WillieWillieHH]

keep it up!