Hi, I ate 2 pizzas and a gallon of ice cream and...

[John_Dough]

...watched all 4 seasons of Game of Thrones in the past week. Right now I should be out working but I'm in bed...again. Most people that have never had major depression will never understand just how difficult it can be just to get out of bed. I think that's why I joined this forum today...you all "get it".

I've been bipolar all my life but only now coming to terms with it. When I was a little kid I was having anxiety attacks and then in 2008 ended up in a mental ward for several days because I was thinking about suicide.

As an extra added bonus..I have Seasonal Affect Disorder. This may explain my most recent funk...it's been raining and cloudy in northern California the past week. If it weren't for my two little dogs I'd probably be a compete shut in. Oh, and I'm self employed and "lucky" enough to have long stretches of time between job duties which allows me to unplug the phone, stay in bed, and eat junk food.

As an added bonus...I've seemed to isolate myself over the years and really don't want to visit or even talk to people.

I have to figure this out...and not let the depression completely ruin me because I know people that have ended up losing everything because of the demon depression.

So, Hi. I know there are a few people that can relate to all this and it's good to know I'm not alone.

[Ieris]

Hi John!

Hope you enjoyed the pizza, ice cream and Game of Thrones nothing wrong with indulging from time to time. I must admit its hard peel myself out of bed and keep up the workout routine at times, just seems like so much effort but whenever I finish a 2 hour session I feel great and doesn't seem so bad. I still have those "lazy" days once in a while, just like how dieters have one day to indulge once a week to keep themselves motivated and award themselves a treat because they deserve it. All comes down to self discipline, come up with a routine that works for you. Surround yourself with things that motivate you, inspire you so that they act as a reminder of your goals and dreams.

I'm glad you have your dogs to keep you company, but why do you think you have isolated yourself from talking to people? Does it bother you that you're alone or are you happier that way?

x

[Tinkerwings]

I just joined because I wanted to interact with others like me. No one really understands unless they have been there. Interestingly enough, yours is the first post I read and it is very similar to my experience this last week (for which I am trying to NOT feel guilty about). My pizza was pepperoni and black olive, ice cream-chocolate chip cookie dough, t.v seasons of Freeks and Geeks and Undeclared. Stormy/dreary weather here in N.C. also. Flooding out my back door and also a double murder in the building behind me. I saw my therapist Thursday and was able to talk to her about it. I don't want to bring you down at all, just saying that I understand how difficult it is to just wake up sometimes. : )

[John_Dough]

Thanks! Did I enjoy the ice cream? Yes and No. I mean, I know it's not wise to binge like that but somehow it feeds into my depression. It seems I " fell off the wagon" because I, too, have a workout routine that lasts 2-3 hours on most days....riding my bicycle to work and back...24 miles (38 km)...going to the gym to work out with weights..and then come home and walk the dogs for 3 km or so. A few weeks ago I hurt my back and it was then I got off my routine. I know how important exercise is with depression and, really, all my life I've known it. Running, for example, was the way I dealt with panic attacks when I was a younger man.


Anyway...I don't think it's good to be alone and isolated. Do I like being alone and isolated? Again, yes and no. Yes because there is no chance of getting hurt or disappointed and no because I never really felt like I 'fit in' with most people. When I look at my life it seems I have always had a girlfriend or a wife and all socializing revolved around her, her friends and her relatives.

The dogs are great. I really connect with them and love them up and cuddle and we have fun. But they're dogs. Sometimes I feel like things have gone too far, that I've become a hermit. Thing about it is, I used to be fun...mr excitement. And over the past several years I've lost confidence and at times just feel worthless. I know in my head that's not rational. Silly in fact. But it's there.

So thanks for the encouragement. Peeling oneself off the floor is difficult. I haven't really thought much about goals and dreams and you just mentioning that has caused me to think.

Cheers,

[John_Dough]

How funny. Yeah, somehow the pizza, ice cream and tv binges helps to disconnect. I wonder what life would be like if I was born 200 years ago and worked in the fields all day. Sometimes I think there is too much information to process and our brains become overwhelmed and the adrenaline isn't spent on, say, running from wild animals.

So yes, I think there are a lot of pizza and ice cream binge tv watching people out there. Coming to terms with my depression I've been able to open up to others about it. The surprising thing to me is how many people say "me, too. I have depression, too".

Double Murder? In North Carolina? Yikes. For some reason I thought N.C. was a southern paradise where nothing like that ever happened. So many on the west coast, like me, are pretty ignorant of the east coast.

You shouldn't feel guilty at all about the Freeks and Geeks / pizza binge. I think you, like many of us, just have to disconnect for a time. And I've done enough research to learn that mental illness is not a character flaw at all. It's a brain malfunction.

Bring me down? Heck no. I'm pretty good at that already. This forum actually makes me think in a more positive way because it reminds me that I'm indeed, not alone.

Do you have trouble sleeping? Does your brain "race" with thoughts...middle east conflicts, Africa suffering, north Korea, ebola virus, work, school, family...etc?

It's sunny and warm right now but I'm tempted to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.

I just joined because I wanted to interact with others like me. No one really understands unless they have been there. Interestingly enough, yours is the first post I read and it is very similar to my experience this last week (for which I am trying to NOT feel guilty about). My pizza was pepperoni and black olive, ice cream-chocolate chip cookie dough, t.v seasons of Freeks and Geeks and Undeclared. Stormy/dreary weather here in N.C. also. Flooding out my back door and also a double murder in the building behind me. I saw my therapist Thursday and was able to talk to her about it. I don't want to bring you down at all, just saying that I understand how difficult it is to just wake up sometimes. : )

[Tinkerwings]

John_Dough
I have no trouble sleeping. I can fall asleep anytime anywhere. Every so often I cannot shut my brain down. That is horrible. At that time I cannot sleep at all, sometimes days in a row. I would rather sleep too much than sleep too little. When I am asleep, I don't have any struggles. : )