looking for some anonymous conversation

[Woglinde]

Hi, everyone.

Like it says, I came here mostly because I was looking for a place where I could post about my troubles anonymously.

I have had the problem lately where if I talk about my problems out loud to people I know, they get really worried about me and they seem to internalize my problems. I don't want anyone I love losing sleep or having panic attacks over me, so I have just shut up about it for a long time. The internet has gotten so connected I can't even make a post on my blog anymore without every third cousin or random person I knew in high school being notified about it. But I feel I need to get it out, and a forum seems like the right outlet.

I have had depression for as long as I can remember, but I only began to accept that I had a real problem until around age 25. I grew up with a sibling who had severe mental problems, so my parents spent all their resources on her and did not address me. It was sort of a "squeaky wheel gets the grease" situation I guess.

For about 6 years, I was engaged to a guy who said to me he didn't believe in depression. It wasn't until after he dumped me and I had to leave my home that I really saw him for what he was and started to evaluate myself more. Since my fiance dumped me like that, I'm always afraid that my relationship is going to end suddenly and badly. I

I am an illustrator and website designer. I don't have a full-time position right now unfortunately, I just work for individual clients from home. I need to get a second income even if it's just a part-time monkey job, but I have felt too weepy and frustrated to even go through with applications lately. I am in over my head financially, just barely managing to scrape rent together and letting my other bills default because I simply don't have the money.

I'm now living in a very secluded environment. I have been living with my current boyfriend for two years now, and I love him but I still feel lonely. I miss my family, and I have lost contact with most of the friends I once had. I don't know anyone who lives near us, and I don't have a car. Even my friends online seem distant now, and the ones who do bother to talk to me only use me as a wall to rant at. I like to be a good listener, but I am just not equipped emotionally to deal with other people's problems right now.

So that's why I thought I should find an online group something like a support group, because being able to talk helps me a lot.

[cedicks]

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time. Believe me you are not alone. I recently came out to a few close friends about my depression and they have since abandoned me. My best friend is a kitten I rescued almost a year ago. I've been on disability for two months and the isolation is unbearable. My husband is as supportive as he can be but with little understanding of depression he doesn't know what to do.

I'm scared to tell anyone else about my depression because I'm afraid they won't understand or will abandon me as well. That's why I'm here. If you ever want to talk to someone feel free to message me. I know how important it is to have someone to talk to who won't judge you just because you're having a bad day, week, month or year.

[lilgost]

I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. I feel like I have to hide my depression from everyone as well. I fear that if anyone finds out I will lose everyone I care about and be forced into a treatment facility. That is why I joined this community, to be able to speak up about my feelings without worrying about what others think.

[Lostintime]

Hi
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Well, you are definitely not alone. I just posted my story but felt I had to agree with the not wanting to tell others about my depression either. I am so paranoid that I worry about my kids being taken away, even though they are well cared for. Or I fear I will have to step down from various roles in the community. The net result is that I feel like I am living a lie, on top of everything else. I have quite manic states as well, which are getting more pronounced, so it is becoming harder to hide. Then throw alcohol into the mix and it's a right sorry mess.

[4EverMe]

Hello,
When someone abandons a person for having depression, they're not a true "friend" to begin with.