New to this forum

[BeachGaBulldog]

I found this site after Googling. I have suffered from depression practically my whole life. I am 53 years old, single and never married. I take Prozac, Abilify, and Trazodone for sleep. I think I have become immune to the first two, or at least the Prozac, because all I feel like doing is sitting in my apartment and watching television. I sleep a lot and have never taken my own life but have been hospitalized 4 times for suicidal thoughts and depression. I don't have any energy, and hope that I will die in my sleep because I am too scared to take my life. I go to counseling and will see my meds doctor on November 27. I just wanted to introduce myself. Thanks!

[Frame]

Hi Bulldog;
Welcome to the group. Good to have you here.

I'm also 53, suffered from depression my whole life (as far as I can tell),
and have seen the effects, on myself, of a number of antidepressants. None of them have ever made me spunky. They do help relieve a sort of grinding desperation I feel.

I've likened my experience of antidepressants this way: If I think of myself as having layers of consciousness sort of like the skins on an onion, where the outer layer is my contact with reality; then antidepressants sort of plunge me into a clear lake. The layers of reality start to slough off and I can see reality floating on the surface of the lake, kind of a surreal experience; I'm down in the lake (breathing fine don't ask me how) looking up at the light, and the lake surface shimmering, and reality floating there, but I cant' touch it.

Kind of hard to get things done. I want to lie on the couch (or floor, what ever is convenient) too. Of course, we all need to get stuff done in life. So I cycle between not caring and angry sadness. But I think everyone has a function. And if you can tell anything form history, most of the important things that have happened in the world (bad or good) were accomplished by people like you and me.

[Copperfield]

Hi Bulldog,
im brand new here. nice to meet you