Hey guys, I'm Natalia.
I go through stages of feeling content and even great about myself and my life, but then every 3 weeks or so I suddenly begin to feel very down, bleak about the world and insecure. Being an introvert by nature I am often alone and happy with that, but when Ibegin to feel anxious and down I isolate myself even further. And the more I do it the worse it gets - sometimes I begin to feel anxious and nervous when I go to my lectures, just because there will be other people there.
I am uncomfortable in my environment and most people I'm surrounded by.
Also, I feel extremely guilty for even being here. It's like..my life and opportunities are so much better than so many others' in the world, yet here I am feeling depressed. The only way I can explain it is that I feel like I don't have the right to be depressed, but I can't exactly help myself, which makes it worse.
Hello all you people
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Hi YugZapad. I read a post this morning by schizorobin, which I responded to. I think you both have similarities with people coming regularly to this site.
I responded because I was thinking this morning, that I have learned of people, I personally know people, who's lives seem in disarray [so much like my own] but yet continue to make contributions to the world. But then; well..., it occurred to me as I think a bit deeper that these people all have support systems. They fit into a network, a framework, their lives are sustainable. They are somehow lucky; luckier than me.
The thing is; if I keep pondering I realize that most of these people also spend a good deal of their lives feeling isolated and alone. I see how they are part of a system even if they don't. And it dawns on me that as isolated and desperate as I often feel right now, there have been moments (perhaps spans of time but they seem like brief moments) of peace and security when I too realized someone, some group, some system, some deity was sustaining me. I was also receiving what I needed to keep from spinning to far out of control [no matter how far the disarray appears to extend].
And at when I see that conclusion, mixed with a desire to give up, to run away, to be alone, is a feeling of responsibility to see how the story ends. Cause someone else is also watching.
This may not fit your sense of self, but it's the chaos in my life that makes me want to hide.
I responded because I was thinking this morning, that I have learned of people, I personally know people, who's lives seem in disarray [so much like my own] but yet continue to make contributions to the world. But then; well..., it occurred to me as I think a bit deeper that these people all have support systems. They fit into a network, a framework, their lives are sustainable. They are somehow lucky; luckier than me.
The thing is; if I keep pondering I realize that most of these people also spend a good deal of their lives feeling isolated and alone. I see how they are part of a system even if they don't. And it dawns on me that as isolated and desperate as I often feel right now, there have been moments (perhaps spans of time but they seem like brief moments) of peace and security when I too realized someone, some group, some system, some deity was sustaining me. I was also receiving what I needed to keep from spinning to far out of control [no matter how far the disarray appears to extend].
And at when I see that conclusion, mixed with a desire to give up, to run away, to be alone, is a feeling of responsibility to see how the story ends. Cause someone else is also watching.
This may not fit your sense of self, but it's the chaos in my life that makes me want to hide.
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schizorobin
- Posts: 14
- Joined: Thu Nov 21, 2013 7:25 am
dear Natalia,
Frame was right, we may have similar problem here. Sometimes I feel content, but most of time I feel sad and depressed. As an introverted person, I know that uncomfortable feelings and anxiety. I don't trust anyone to show my weakness, my sadness, my stupidity, my dirty mind, my secret , I'm afraid with their reaction, I'm afraid they can't accepted me . So I never show my true self to anyone even my family.
You're right, isolated yourself is not an answer, it's just make it worst.
You said you have no right to feel depressed, but sometimes depression come without a reason.
You said you have better opportunity than mostly people then be grateful, and make it as your positive energy to change.
I don't know if people can change their introverted personality to become somebody else coz I don't think I can't. Maybe what we have to do just be more grateful and love ourselves for more, and in the end I just wanted to say that you're not alone.
sincerely Robin.
Frame was right, we may have similar problem here. Sometimes I feel content, but most of time I feel sad and depressed. As an introverted person, I know that uncomfortable feelings and anxiety. I don't trust anyone to show my weakness, my sadness, my stupidity, my dirty mind, my secret , I'm afraid with their reaction, I'm afraid they can't accepted me . So I never show my true self to anyone even my family.
You're right, isolated yourself is not an answer, it's just make it worst.
You said you have no right to feel depressed, but sometimes depression come without a reason.
You said you have better opportunity than mostly people then be grateful, and make it as your positive energy to change.
I don't know if people can change their introverted personality to become somebody else coz I don't think I can't. Maybe what we have to do just be more grateful and love ourselves for more, and in the end I just wanted to say that you're not alone.
sincerely Robin.
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