Hello there

[Donnegal]

Well, much like the other posts I have been reading here tonight, I too have finally decided to reach out and try to communicate some of my "stuff" and chat with those that may have an understanding of where I am coming from.

This year was another standard year for myself; another termination from a job, a host of holidays and special events spent alone, and now with acceptance of having to sell my home to financially be able to meet my other responsibilities.

Like many others; my condition wasn't diagnosed, addressed or dealt with till I was well into my 30's. (This summer I celebrated my 40th)

My family doctor has diagnosed me with severe depression and has done his best to prescribe a gamut of medications in order to help. Sadly, I haven't had much success with these, and due to some financial constraints, I haven't had any now for over a month. I went to see him yesterday and he decided a good plan of attack was yet another new regiment of pills, although I am not too sure how I am going to manage to acquire them till the funds from the sale of my house come in October.

This year I also celebrated my 1 year anniversary of my divorce. During the 4th year of my marriage (lasted within days of 7 years) I suffered a severe episode that led to an attempt to take my own life. I was successful until the staff at my workplace noticed I wasn't there that day and called my wife to go home to check on me. She was prepared by the medical staff that it was unlikely I would survive, and if I did there was little chance of a normal existence given how long I was gone. Surprisingly to this day I have no physical ailments or ramifications of that event. One of the last things she said to me (and we haven't spoken a word since our finalization) was that three years ago, the day she found me, was the day she no longer loved me, trusted me nor respected me. She spent the last three years of the marriage ensuring I knew how much I hurt her; she said she wanted me to suffer each and every day.

So I guess here I start - alone in a city with no family and no real friends, financially not well and am struggling with my daily life between self loathing over my past and the overwhelming sadness and fear about what is to come.

[TurtleRock]

I admire anyone who survives what you've been through, More so because you have the courage to try and reach out.

I feel in a small way some relation to your feeling self loathing. I do not pretend to know the depth of yours though.

[Frame]

I think, Donnegal, that there is a lot to say and much I'd like to hear from you. But for now, perhaps my signature say's it best.