Can anybody help me please?

[LonelyShadow]

Hello. I'm new to this forum and I hope that I will be welcome and find support from people on here. I suffer from severe depression and have been recommended to try this. Even though I'm only 18, I've struggled from depression from an early age and I have almost ended my life on a number of occasions, but the smallest part of me doesn't want me to do it. I've never had any friends in life, just acquaintances but I'm all alone now and my family doesn't seem to care about me anymore. Is there anyone out there who can help me?

[kittycatlover]

Hi, LonelyShadow,

I am sorry that you are suffering and feel alone.

I think that you will find there are kind and caring people here who are happy to talk with you.

Why do you say your family doesn't care about you anymore?

Are you in school?

[LonelyShadow]

Hi,

I have just finished college and am now looking for a job, which is really tough to do in this day and age.

It's just that my family only ever want money from me and never ask me how I'm feeling or anything like that. I feel like an outcast to everyone in life.

[kittycatlover]

LonelyShadow,
Congratulations on finishing college!
You should not feel guilty about telling your family NO when they want money. You have your own problems to solve in life, such as finding a job and taking care of yourself.

It doesn't sound like you were born into a supportive group of people. That's not your fault.

So right now, it seems like there is nowhere you belong.

But as you move forward, perhaps you can find a place of your choosing where you DO feel that you belong.

It sounds like you are in transition right now.

There is a good chance that how things are now, is not how they will be forever.

[LonelyShadow]

I just can't see anyway out for me. I just don't want to be here anymore

[Frame]

Hi Shadow; I've come to understand that I've suffered from depression also since I was young. I'm 52 now and most of my family believe they understand I have depression; that I've been diagnosed with chronic depression. But I don't think a fraction of them could have accepted this when was growing up. It's too close and personal, have a hard time not feeling some how responsible. It's a burden the whole family can share if they don't somehow deny or explain away.

So why do I bring this up? Well, your young and wiser than I was at your age. But it doesn't mean your family is necessarily ready to accept you as you are. It's a rare family who can. Most families (at least most parts of a family) are more comfortable locking you into a certain role. But that usually does change. People do grow up (or keep growing). But you have to take care of yourself now. Some or all of your family may catch up and be supportive, but for now I have two bits of advice. One is about discipline and the other is about gratitude. I often have little to none of either but, the extent to which I can screw together enough energy to fake either is the extent to which I am moving forward with my life.

I'm not talking about having discipline. It's not something a person like me (and perhaps like you) can have and hold. Discipline is something that creeps up on me when I try over and over, and fail and try again, to put into practice the many good suggestions, you will find on this sight, about how to live a healthy life with depression.

Some of the suggestions you will find deal, not with ways to get what we need or want, but how to appreciate things, achievements, people that we have. The reasons I mention this, again, are two: first, the better in touch with the abundance of what we have now, the better we feel about meeting the world each day (your bound to read some rather dark words from me around here, so remember; do as I say, not as I do. I really do try.).

But the second and...actually the reason I wrote this response is this: As you go about your life dealing with your family and what they don't understand, you may have to tell them "no" (even if only in your mind). But it's important to try to recall the parts of your life they (even with bitterness) may support. Its' important acknowledge their support. Without that acknowledgement they are bound to feel unappreciated. With acknowledgement, they may feel empowered to be benevolent. I've always felt better when surrounded by benevolent people.

These are just some thoughts from my own experience in life. Oh and when comes to getting a job (and of course having money) it may seem counter-intuitive, but finding some time to volunteer some place close by can often open doors and improve depression. Sorry for the wind; I don't know when to stop.

OK, I'll stop.

Now.

Thanks for reading.

Really done.

Now.

[4EverMe]

Hi LonelyShadow,
Welcome aboard. I like your profile name, as I totally relate to its meaning. I wanted to give some helpful advice to you, but kittycatlover and Frame said it well!

However, I DO want you to know that you're NOT alone. Here, you'll find others who are dealing with the same types of thoughts/feelings that you are-- including myself. It would be good to continue posting. This site has literally been a lifeline for me! I wish you the best, and congratulations on your success! I'm proud of you for sticking it out, despite your pain.

By the way, have you talked to a doctor? Are you on any kind of medication? Speaking from past experience, this can truly help. Myself, I plan to do this again soon. Really need to be on a depression med again. I'll just say that when I was on medication, I didn't attempt suicide. It's worth a try!

[kittycatlover]

LonelyShadow,
Don't give up. There's more to come that you cannot see right now. It is the worst time to make a decision, such as ending your life, when you are depressed. Depression can ebb and flow; if and when things get a little better, you will hopefully see some things in a new way.

[LonelyShadow]

I've been trying so hard for months, but I don't have the strength anymore. I don't know what to do anymore

[Sheep]

Shadow,
A big congrats on finishing college, that is a huge feat considering you're only 18! I still have a long way to go, myself haha. I'm a little jealous

I'm curious whether or not you've talked to a doctor about this or tried therapy. It sounds like you're at a turning point in your life and are having to deal with a lot of new things like job searching and the like. When I felt like there was no one else to turn to, and I knew I was considering suicide, I forced myself to see a college counselor and see what they could do for me. Even though I had a terrible experience with the therapy, it did help to wake me up and feel like at least I was being proactive. Plus, the anger I got from not getting proper treatment fueled me to search for even more methods of curing my anxiety on my own.

I don't know if that made any sense, but basically I'd recommend going to a group or talking to someone new about this, I think it would help you get a new perspective.

[SMcGregor]

Express your feelings and talk about events, this can be done with friends. Look at the consequences of internalising or pushing down negative feelings. Become aware of your own self talk and when it’s negative, change it.

Involve yourself in some voluntary work – thinking about helping others can take the focus off self introversion and self obsessiveness and can help with self esteem.

[4EverMe]

SMcGregor,
Nothing personal, but LonelyShadow said that he/she doesn't have anyone in his/her life right now.

LonelyShadow, volunteer work IS fulfilling in various ways, but understandably not much of an option if your spending much of your time working.

I want to say that I'm proud of you for finishing college by 18! Lol...Are you one of those genius types? Most people are beginning college at that age or older. Congratulations. Proud of you, and happy for success.

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Hi, LonelyShadow! Welcome to the forums!
I think that kittycatlover is right to say: " as you move forward, perhaps you can find a place of your own choosing where you DO feel that you belong. "
And, you never know where that place might turn out to be.
To give you an example of what I mean...I've always been a BIG fan of science fiction/ " cult " TV shows like Star Trek, Doctor Who, Buffy, etc, etc...And, being such a " TV geek " has helped me meet so many people over the years, and make so many good and lasting friendships. When I'm with a group of other " TV geeks ", " geeking out " about our favourite shows, or new shows, Debating such issues as who was the best Doctor Who or best Star Trek captain? ), I actually derive a very real and quite comforting sense of belonging in being part of SF " fandom ". And, strange though this may sound, this sense of belonging, ( As a part of SF " fandom " ), does help me cope with my quite frequent feelings of isolation among the " non-depressed ", " normal " people.
I'd also like to agree with 4EverMe, you might well find it helpful to keep posting here. Like 4EverMe, I've also found this site to be very much a lifeline for me!
Take care of yourself, LonelyShadow! Or as we say in this part of the world: " pob lwc ac hwyl fawr " ( " Goodbye and good luck " )
I speak about a dozen words of Welsh, and that was five of them...

[4EverMe]

First time I've seen writing in Welsh. Thanks for sharing that!