so alone

[emmygirlie]

I broke my ankle 2 months ago. I was fine until this week - suddenly I can't stop randomly crying and my stomach has been upset for days - I can't stop feeling alone despite being surrounded by people who claim to care yet just tell me to grow up.

I'm afraid I'm pushing my husband to stop loving me but all I want is to run away.

No money for therapy- just wanted to see if there was any one out there who understood.

[Alaska1958]

Greetings from the far north,

I know it can be difficult for some people to understand when those around them get depressed. I am not really qualified to tell you that you are depressed, but you certainly could be. I have some friends and family members who have experienced depression themselves or in someone close to them. It makes it much easier to talk to them.

Have you had this kind of depression or anxiety at other times in the past or is this entirely new for you? Do you think the way you feel is directly related to it? For instance, maybe you are normally a very active person who gets regular exercise. A sudden change in your schedule might well have triggered something like this. Exercise is extremely good for us in so many ways that I wonder if it's part of the equation.

This forum is a good place to talk about these things, but bear in mind that there are no psychologists on staff. Looking for a local resource for some affordable help might be an option. You might call around places like your physician's office or a mental health clinic and ask about a subsidized program that you could try.

Please write back and tell us more about yourself and your life. Whatever you feel comfortable talking about.

Good luck

[emmygirlie]

Hi Alaska - I envy you your cool temperatures!

I've struggled with anxiety for years, but never depression. I have effexor and klonopin for my anxiety. I'm not really SUPER active, but I'm a little discouraged at how little I can do, despite being allowed to bear weight (after 8 weeks NWB).

I was on percocet regularly (non abused) for the pain - but it also does have an anti anxiety/happiness component that's a side of the receptors - I knocked down to vicodin and I do wonder if it's that that's making the depression symptoms just go nuts.

Well that and I haven't really worried about the hospital bills and things for 2 months because I have been on the percocet and it may have all hit me at once.

It's been a rough year and a half - miscarriage, followed 4 months later by my dad being diagnosed with cancer, followed 6 months later by his death, followed 3 months later by emergency gall bladder surgery (non insured), followed 4 months later by broken ankle. The lady at the suicide help line I called told me some emotional pain was likely, but I just feel like I should be able to cope better.

The weird thing about all of this is a: it's worse in the morning and b: it goes in waves - sometimes I'm fine, sometimes it's almost like a veil drops down and I can't see thru it to a time when I won't be crying and feeling so terrible.

Thank you for your response - I am not expecting diagnostics just maybe kindred or empathetic spirits - my mom suggested that until I can find a therapist (we now have insurance that hasn't kicked in yet) that finding support online might help.

I know she and my husband are just frightened by my confessions of hopelessness but I don't know that "snap out of it" or "stop focusing on yourself and think of others" is really going to help - and I think they know that - but neither of them understand and they wanted me to find someone to talk to who did.

Honestly, just having someone respond made my morning - thank you again, Alaska and sorry this is so long.

[scrabble]

Hi Emmy.

I'm not qualified to diagnose depression either, but I have it and I recognise a lot of your feelings. You have certainly been through an awful lot recently.

You say "I just feel like I should be able to cope better." The world today tries to make us all feel like we should cope better, but sometimes we just can't. You will know that there is only so much you can do with a broken bone, no matter how determined you are, and the same applies with mental hurt, it's just harder for others to see and understand.

Don't be too hard on yourself. "Snap out of it" is an all too common response that does no good at all. But it is good that your family have encouraged you to look for support online. I have found there to be lots of friendly listeners here.