Need someone to talk to...Someone who can listen me...

[itishree07]

Hi...
I really don't know what to do... My life is molding as I had never wished..
I am married and its been almost 2 and a half year now...and it was a love marriage but now I feel as if I have never known him...He is a very new person to me everyday..Time is opening a new page daily..I was a very jolly person who never stopped carrying a smile on her face and now I don't remember when did I last smile from my heart...I tried talking to him couple of times about everything but he never understood..So, this is reason I choose this forum...Is there anyone who can just listen and understand me and let me know where did I go wrong....

[Frame]

Hi itishree07;

There are people listening. I hope you feel free to talk. I've gone on to relate some of my experiences, but that goes contrary to just listening. I wanted to express my belief that you haven't gone wrong, that the world is changing. But you needn't read it all. You can just keep posting and tell us your story.
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From my meager experience, people find partners, fall in love, get married with both people having untested assumptions about each other and what a partnership actually is.

From what I've seen and how I've acted, we begin to live out these assumptions in a world that's changing so fast that it's easy to loose our bearings. When I tried to lean on my wife and she tried to lean on me, we both found we were in very different places in terms of our expectations for the future and what our roles were. It's easy to feel misled.

Many people who come from emotional backgrounds difficult to discuss, find later that many thinks were never said simply assumed. I realize now there are painful parts of my past that made discussion impossible. It's not always the case; I mother and father both came from families with alcoholism. My dad was always proud to tell us children that for years of dating they didn't do anything special. All they did was talk.

These days it seems if all we do is talk the world thinks were strange. We have to act; to shop together, see movies, dinner, travel. I think a lot of this gets in the way. Talking is underrated and clear communication is a lost art.

[itishree07]

Hi...
Thanks for d reply..now I know that there is someone who will listen me..
Can I talk to u inbrief abt everything??

[Frame]

Sure, in brief, or in rambling detail, it's all free. Someone will listen.

[itishree07]

I belonged to a family which is filled with extreme care and love.. My family had mom,dad, my younger brother and a elder sister.. There was never a tear in my eyes..my life was filled with smiles..my life was a fairy tale but somewhere as I was growing up, I started getting the feeling that I should need a life partner now..by then I had finished my studies and was working away from home..to take a break, I quit my job and went back home..I never had a boyfriend with whom I wanted to settle..I wanted my parents to get my guy..
Dad was looking for guys for me and in d meanwhile with my family's concern, I signed up to the matrimonial sites. Had got many requests from ppl but for some or the other reasons got rejected..then I got a request from him and we started talking..he wasn't in India then..he was at UK..we spoke dailyon phone..it was like we spoke for abt 15-16 hrs a day..that too it was an ISD call for him...exactly after a month, he came back to India...meanwhile I told everything to my family and they were Ohk with it.. Evrything was going so fine and it was again like a fairy tale for me.. The moment he reached India, he came to my town to meet me and family so that he can discuss abt this with his family.. This showed how serious he was abt me..he met me and my family and my family was very much happy with him and then he went to his place to tell abt me..his parent's were not happy abt me..but somehow things worked out and as he had to go back to UK,we got married in 6 months time..we got introduced to each other on 13 th aug and we got married on 12th feb.. It was exactly for 6 months.. He was in India only for those 6 months...once I got angry on him and that was the time when he had sent me a bouquet and he also came to meet me without anyone knowing abt it..that showed how much he cared for me...I then knew that he would luv and care for me..his family is still not happy wid me but I felt that if he is with me,I don't need anyone else..we got married on 13th feb and as my visa took some time, he left for UK and after a week my visa had come and baring all the expenses, he came back after a week to take me along with him..we reached UK and started living our lives...I always dreamt abt a nice,romantic and love filled relationship wid h

[itishree07]

.I always dreamt abt a nice,romantic and love filled relationship wid him but tha was the time when my fairy tale story started coming down to reality...dere was no romance..no love..it was only that we were married and staying together.. I kept telling him that this is the 1st year of our married life...we won't get this time back again..I begged infront of him for love..but he kept telling me that he can't express his love the way I want..but if this is case then what was that before marriage..y did everything change after marriage..I kept compromising on many things since last 2and a half year...in this time,he did raise his hand 3-4 times to hit me also..but I always kept a hope that h would definitely change and my love would change him..expecting love for him and in this I lost all my love..now I can't take it anymore...it's really frustrating for me...we spoke many times abt this but nothing worked out..what should I do???

[Frame]

I feel like I'm missing something. All this talking you did before you were married; did you talk about the future? Has the future changed? Did the talking stop when you married?

And what is your daily life like? How do you keep busy?

[itishree07]

I had posted 2 posts.. Are they highlighting??? After marriage we were dere in UK for a year and after that we returned back to India.. After cuming back, I did work for few months but as it was getting tuff to handle d house and work, I had quit it and we had to shift our city also becoz of his work.. It's been a month we have shifted to this new place now..

[Frame]

I see; you've had to move. Only there a month. It has to be stressful. And he has to adjust to new work; you're both under pressure.

Did you know anyone in your new city before you came?

[4EverMe]

Hello itishree07,
I have to agree with Frame, in that communication is a lost art. It definately IS underrated!!

You've tried talking to him about your feelings. Maybe, I should suggest you continue expressing youself? He's got to listen at some point! I know how frustrating and painful this is. I've been there. Just wanted to shake him like a slot machine and shout. "Snap outt've it. Spill something!" Yes, it's hard to be in a relationship where it eventually becomes one-sided. He may just be living in his own little bubble right now. Hopefully, he'll come around in time. No matter what, I really hope things work out for you and that you find some peace, happiness and a reason to smile. My heart goes out to you.

Please keep us posted! Remember we are here for you.

[hollyann]

Hi itishree07. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Sometimes it does take a while to get another person to understand what you are feeling or needing. Sometimes writing it out and giving it to that person can be helpful.

However I am concerned because you've stated that he has raised his hand to hit you. I'm not sure if he did on those occasions but even if he didn't its a cause for alarm. No one deservers to be hit. He might be going through a lot but you both are. I think if you want to make it work marriage counseling or individual counseling for him might be good.

If he is hitting you though, the best thing to do is protect yourself by getting out of that situation. No matter what he is going through he shouldn't raise a hand to you.

hollyann