Hi

[gema201985]

Hello, Im Gem,
I've been sitting in your IRC chatroom for a few hours but I dont know who to talk to, and I dont just want to blurt out my feelings to the whole room.
So i feel more comfortable explaining my situation here

Im 23, with 4 children. For the past 4 years I have had post natal depression after almost a year of not saying anything of my worsening symptoms, and my thoughts on suicide, in case I had my children taken off me, I bit the the bullet and told the doctor, all she had to offer was some tablets and said I had a nice smile, yet I told her I had almost jumped off the pier.

The 2nd doctor I seen yesterday seemed a bit more understanding, although I was still only prescribed more meds and told I had bipolar.

Ive just been told this massive thing and the only thing I know about it is, what i've read online

Im going through a major manic phase, I havent slept properly for a month and the doctor wont prescribe me anything except fluoxetine but this takes a month to work, I can go a month without sleep.

I also have panic attacks and odd thoughts about the things that could happen to me or my family

most recently I have had to leave places or not even attempt to leave the house because of either paranoid feelings that people are staring at me, or i just get so confined run.

thats pretty much it really.
I cant talk to my partner because I cant explain all this to him, and hes never had depression. He said you dont look depressed so that put a stopper on that one.

hope to make a friend soon

[georgiapeach]

hey gem,
i have seen you in the chat, hence i am a fellow chatter also. first off i would like to welcome you to the forums! i hope to see you post more here and i hope to see you back in the chatroom also!!!

second off what you typed is the first step towards everything. and thanks for opening up to us.
third off, having four children at the age of 23 must be quite a challenge. being bipolar is rough, not just on you but on others that surround you and as for your partner he doesnt seem to helpful. just because you dont act depressed doesnt mean you really arent depressed internally. some people dont show it. there is some more i would like to say but i cant seem to find the words to say them in to make them make sense. so its nice to see you have made it here and to the chatroom! its just one step closer to venting your feelings out! please return to the chat if you feel comfortable there are many people just like you going through some similar stuff and they can help you out and you could possibly help them to :d
((((((((((((((((((( gem ))))))))))))))))))))))))))) <--- hug

[gema201985]

I didnt mean to make him sound bad lol

I dont think he knows why I spend days on end in bed and just getting up only if I need to.

Thanks for your reply and I will be back in chat later on

((((((((((((((((((((Georgia))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))<--- hug back

[georgiapeach]

gem,
i should be in the chat later tonight but since you are in the uk, we have a 5hr time difference. your faster on time than i am but if im on ill be more than willing to talk with you. im normally on but im going outta town for 2 days to my sisters house. hope to see you there!!!!!

[gema201985]

Thanks a lot

I usually come on late at night because I have bother sleeping,
so im sure we'll bump into each other
however I do have some sleeping tablets off the doc for the next 2 nights so hopefully that might get me some rest.

[Monty]

gem,
Glad you posted. I grew up in a family where everything (and not all was good) was supposed to stay at home. I started talk therapy many years ago (more than 20) and I still have trouble talking, though I am getting better. I helps to talk, so keep it up.

I also suffered from post-partum depression.I had only two kids to deal with. In my eyes, you are doing well with 4 little ones around.

My measure of a good night's sleep is having 6 consecutive hours of sleep. In the past 20, probably, if you added them all up (combined) I may have come up with getting to my goal for a total of 2 or 3 years. I know that it is not the same quality of natural sleep, but I do find it easier to cope when I have a drug-induced sleep. At least now I get some degree of refreshment during the course of the night.

How many people do you hear comment how crabby they are after losing one night's sleep? Those of us who have a chronic problem sleeping soon learn to not compare what a month's loss of sleep does to your mental health

I have a bipolarII diagnosis.I am not sure just how much that contributed to the fact that over the years I got so scared about anything and everything.I started to experience panic attacks and went through a long period of time when I wouldn't go out of my house. My first major panic attack was 22 years ago when I was flying on a plane with my infant daughter. They didn't think that it seemed like a good idea to open the door, and let us out. Go figure.

I know how dehibilitating just one of the things that you are experiencing, so to have so many and having to deal with little ones around, I mean it, give yourself a pat on the back.
Since I had trouble sharing, and now can do it better, it has made quite a difference in my life.
My best advice is when you are in a safe place (I hope you have found one here) is just to let it all out.

We are here to listen.

[gema201985]

I get a bit nervous talking about myself and tend to ramble and not make much sense lol.

I had panic attacks during all my pregnancies but now I get them without being pregnant, Ive just got over a spell of 2 months in the house although I still feel people are looking at me which has forced me to come home on 2 occasions.

Im looking forward to a warm bath and see how I sleep tonight, even went out and bought myself some new pyjamas.

Ive been on fluoxetine 2 days now, still feel like my brain is clouded and have a heavy chest (hope that makes sense)

but I enjoyed buying myself some pyjamas and im looking forward to something.

also I talked to someone and gave advice last night to someone in the chat room which helped me.

Thank you for you messages as well as the ones from georgia.
Im started to ramble lol, talk in chat later <3

[aim]

Hi gema! Welcome to the forums!! You seem to be getting great advice from the other girls here, so I won't hit you with any more. Just know that this is a supportive place, and a safe place, as Monty said, and you can vent or just listen - it's all up to you!

Glad you found the chat - I don't go in much anymore due to my ever-busy schedule, but it saved my life once upon a time too.

I hope you do sleep tonight, Gema - Good luck!

[Monty]

Take it from pretty well everyone who knows me, tough to listen to because I talk in circles.

You get your point across well.

Echo Amy, sleep well.

[aim]

Monty, I really don't think you give yourself enough credit! You give wonderful advice to people here, and are truly an asset to the forums here.

I'm so glad you found a core group of friends to be there for you. Everyone deserves to not be alone, YOU included. You are worth a million bucks or more, Monty. Trust yourself... you don't seem to talk in circles here! You're offering yourself selflessly to other people who you can relate to.

Would love to know more about you... like what do you do for a living? Or what did you do?