Rules of Life
You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape - If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. - If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
If you are going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now.
