RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
Posted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 10:51 pm
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere ... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!'. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me 'In the lake'.
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked 'What's on the TV?' I said 'Dust!'
Warmie
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere ... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!'. So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me 'In the lake'.
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked 'What's on the TV?' I said 'Dust!'
Warmie