Men & Women
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I go out two nights a week.
I Go on Wednesday & Friday
and she goes on Thursday & Saturday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All men make mistakes
but the married ones
find out about it a lot sooner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never believe in 'love at first sight'.
It's always best to take a second look.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't spoke to my wife
in eighteen months;
I don't want to interrupt her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our marriage was OK
until we bought a waterbed.
Then we seemed to drift apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that men's brains
are like our prison system?
Not enough cells, per man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best reason for
getting a divorce
is for health reasons.
Your mate makes you sick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never trust a man
who says he's the boss at home.
He'll lie about other things too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want a man,
go for a younger one.
They never mature anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the Amish wife
apply for a divorce?
Her husband was driving her buggy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew a guy who's wife is so ugly
that he takes her to work with him so
he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy, comes home from school and says,
"Dad, I got a part in the school play;
I play a husband."
The father says,
"Too bad, you didn't get a speaking part."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the
invisible man and woman
who got married?
Their children aren't
much to look at!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a man is in the forest,
talking to himself,
with NO women for miles around,
is he still wrong?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a woman is in the forest,
talking to herself,
with NO man for miles around,
is she still complaining?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a friend who is so ugly that
when he walks into a bank,
the cameras shut themselves off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whenever you find a man
who would make a good husband---
You find out he already IS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
