Catholic Dictionary
Time to brush up even if you're not Catholic! You never know when, or by whom, you might be tested!
* AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
* BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
* CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to
lip-sync.
* HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
* HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
* INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
* JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.
* JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
* JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
* KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava
* MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.
* MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.
* PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
* PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
* RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
* RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.
* RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
* TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.
* USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
