Tantalus - A world out of reach

[Tantalus]

I apologise if this goes on a long time but I'm sure most people's story does... so here goes.


I first showed signs of depression when I was about 12 years old, I am 21 now, this was the age I started to get bullied in school very badly. Mainly mental bullying, name calling and the like. I couldn't handle it. This went on until I left school. I had no friends and limited interaction with other people because I was scared of them. I had no people skills by this point. At 16 I started to drink. Every day. I'd wake up in the morning and the first thing I'd do was take a drink from a bottle of vodka I kept by my bed. Family life wasn't good by this point, all I did with my parent's was argue and all I did with my brother's was fight. I was alone. Completely alone. So I drank more.

When I went to college at 16 I finally met a good group of friends but the drinking didn't stop. College however was a happy time yet I was still depressed, at 17 I was finally diagnosed and was put on fluoxetine which I am still on today. After college it was uni time.

18 years old, first night alone in a big city and the worst that could have happened, happened. I was attacked on my first night at uni. I won't go into detail but just know it scarred me for life what happened that night. I came home. My parents, especially my mum hated me for coming home. I never told them what happened. The drinking got worse.

I started working for my parents company (where I am still working now) and just argued with my parents at work and at home. I frequented a certain pub often by this point. My drinking was a serious problem by this point but I was alone again, all my mates had gone off to uni and I was left by myself. At this point I also got addicted to some strong painkillers I was able to blag from my doctors. I was taking too many at one time and mixing them with the alcohol was not doing my body any favours at all. Eventually the owners of the pub recognised my problem and barred me from the pub. It was the best thing that ever happened to me but at the time I thought otherwise, I attempted suicide at this point. I was at my lowest.

After recovering I made the decision to quit drinking, it was hard but I had one good friend who really helped me along. This guy was and still is a corner stone in my life and I truely believe I would not be alive today without his help. I owe him so much.

After this I got into a relationship with what I thought was a wonderful man, at least he was at first. Not long into the relationship he became violent but I stayed with him. I thought I loved him. Eventually the same person I mentioned above made me see sense and dragged me out of that relationship. I hate that I let myself get in that situation.

But anyway, the present day... I do now drink again on the social occassion but I can now control it. I've grown up now, seen my mistakes and I refuse to make them again. I've moved out of my parent's house and since then we get on much better, same with my brothers. I live in my own flat in a nearby city. I still work for my parents. I have recently started dating a man from my area (first couple of months in) and it's going great, he also suffers from depression but refuses to get help for it. I help him as much as I can. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

Ah also 9 months ago I had a 'psychotic episode' where I began hearing voices, real nasty voices that reminded me of my school days. I'm on tablets for that now and they've stopped thankfully.

I think I've covered everything but if you've any questions about what I've been through or anything else don't hesistate to ask.

Much loves

Tantalus xx

[keluca]

((((((((Tantalus)))))))))

You have had a lot going off in your life up to now and you have done amazing to get off the drink ~ WELL DONE

It sounds like you have a true friend helping you through the trouble times which is so special.

I am really pleased your friend help you see that the relationship was hurting you more

I hope your new relationship stays on a good path you deserve the happiness but when you say he is depressed, please remember you need to keep your mind healthy too so make sure you look after you too

Keep looking forward

[Obayan]

Tantalus, what more can I add to what keluca said? Except that I see you as a good friend in the chat room. And I hope only the best for you sweetie.