Am I too old for anyone to care?

[twokat]

I am so lonely and depressed. I am 59 years old, gonna be 60 next month. I have no family or friends whatsoever. The past 4 months all I have done is sit in my little apartment with my pet bird. Have no income, am disabled. I have no income, waiting on SSI to come through hopefully. Rely on different agencies to help me pay my rent, electric. I'm afraid I'll be on the street this next month. How much more can it get worse? I have no one to talk to, no one who cares, etc. When I die, I guess it won't matter. I have two children who won't help me. One says I'm too much stress on her. Stress? She doesn't know what this kind of stress is. I raised two children on my own, and now look. Neither cares whether I'm on the street or dead I guess. How much more can I take? Here it is summer, where people are out having picnics, swimming, etc, having fun, and I can't even afford any gas to go anywhere by myself. I'm sick of my life. Does it mean my life is over? Should I just realize that my life is over with? I don't know what to do anymore. I am a Christian, but can't even go to church, once again can't afford the gas. And I also worry about losing my pet bird. She's everything to me.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((( twokat ))))))))))))))

Hi, welcome to the forums. Let me say there are many chatters here, some read, some reply, but we all care.

Life can be a rough ride, but we hang on and try to do all we can. Know you will gain friends here, those that will care and give all they can to help you.

No one is 'too old for anyone to care'. Perhaps finding this forum, expressing yourself will show you that there are people to care. Yes, I know it is on the computer, but that doesn't matter. Care we do!

I do hope your children will change their thoughts, try to understand the place you are in life and give to you as you have for them.

My thoughts are with you and hope you do reply, keep posting.

What is your birds name and what kind of bird, if you don't mind my asking. I have a male Bombay Cat, beautiful black cat called Ebony, with fantastic yellow eyes. At night the eyes are about all you can see of him, LOL. Had him since he was only 8 days old, he is a large part of my small world. Thought I would share.


Warmie
Warmie

[twokat]

Thanks Warmie.

This wasn't my first time here, but I had been in the chat room and was saying things hoping someone would say something to help me, and I felt like I was completely being ignored. And with the state of mind I'm in, it surely didn't help. I really don't know how many people know what it's like to be completely alone, unless they're in a nursing home. I honestly have no friends or family around. I live in my little ole apartment daily, doing the same things, just sitting at my computer reading, playing games, etc. while listening to chrisitan radio. I have no tv. And I'm gonna lose the internet here at home very soon, so I will really go crazy. Everyday is the same. I dread every day. Wish I wouldn't wake up. I have no income so can't go anywhere. I feel so couped up, wasting my days away. I might as well be in a nursing home, at least I'd be around people somewhat. It's so hard when you have no one who comes knocking at your door, or calls you on the phone, just to see how you are. I would love to attend a church, but I can't due to no gas for my vehicle. I'm sure there are churches who go pick up their church members but I'd rather not, at first. All i do is pray. If I have to live like this for the rest of my days, I'd rather be dead. As it is, I may be on the streets next month anyway. I can't pay my bills and I think I'm running out of resources to help me pay my rent, etc. I am so scared. I don't even have anyone to come around to even hug me. I'm so lonesome. I've gained alot of weight since January because I don't give a damn about myself. I used to be in good shape for my age. I am on anti-depressants but they only last for a couple hours in the morning, then the rest of the day I am very depressed again, and start crying for hours. I also was given Ambien to help me sleep at night, but all that does is give me horrendous nightmares. I can't win for losing. I have applied for disability (I have COPD), but am waiting on the results, which I've heard they usually turn you down the first time anyway, so if that's the case, I'll have to do an appeal which will take more months. It's all too much stress on me. I wish I could work again but it's hard even on me just to mop my own floors. It takes every breath I have, which is little, to get that done. I also have other medical problems I need looked into, but with no insurance, I can't. So with all that, it prevents me from working. But no one knows all that, because I don't have anyone to tell that too face to face. No one sees me in action with the struggles I have. I used to have one guy friend but he's got a new girlfriend so he doesn't call me like he used to. We were just friends. Someone just to talk to. But no more. He ignores me. So to me he wasn't really a friend.

Anyway, I have a cockatiel. She'll be 2 years old on July 4th. I've had her since she was 6 months old. She was named Liberty when I got her, but the lady who raised her in the first few months, I heard she was quite mean to the birds, so I named her Little Star. She is quite a blessing to me.

Thanks for listening.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((((((( twokat ))))))))))))))))

A thought/suggestion. Churches in my small town will come and pick you up and bring you home so you can attend church services. The 'Senior Citizens' group, makes visits to shut ins as well. Is there anyway you could get in touch with similar groups? Perhaps check with your local hospital or a doctor that you see?

Just some thoughts to get you in touch with real people. Hoping so that you can in fact do this.

Little Star sounds like a winner. People don't always realize how much pets are friends to us. Ebony gets out of hand at times, but I know he is just playing. I am all he knows. Doctor has told me I really should find him a new home, but I just can't. I am all he knows, all he has. Just can't do that.

Now, hopefully the suggestions I have type will be a 'do-able' thing for you, give it a try, please.

Warmie