Depression Understood Forums

It has been nearly 5 years since I left my family.

I am a 22 year old, now working as a salesperson in a bank. career is very unstable at this age, when your colleagues and superiors always tend to under - estimate your capabilities due to your age, and always find a way to downgrade you. I am not from a first world country, and in a third world where such things does really exist. I find my work very difficult, and life even more.

I am severely depressed not because of my work. I was kicked out of my house when I was 17 by my dad, and I still in high school that time. I aspired to be a Medical Personnel in the health industry, and it was ruined as I have no money to pursue further studies.

I loved my family very much. My dad was in this liquor business, so he comes home drunk every night and beats the hell out of my family. Sometimes i really wish we can be all together, but to think twice, too much love is lost, they nearly never lend a hand when I am in deep trouble, and i feel like i am left alone to die. last march, i had this motorcycle accident, none of them visited me. My mom keeps words minimum, and my sisters don't seem to care.

Last year, i met this very nice girl, and fell deeply for her. I love her, and she supported me mentally, and never gave up. In return i gave her a good life and reason for living.

The only things that trouble me most is my pain from the past never eases. I have multiple debts, my car and my loans, and i am still managing to pay them end of the day. I feel like dying. my job is never stable, and she suffers at times paying off those. the only thing is keeping me alive is the fear that she cannot cope those debts alone. i keep on fighting because i love her, but the pain in my heart is worsened day by day.

I remember the day i left my house, sleeping for 2 weeks at a gas station and taking my baths there, begging for food, i cant see the reason to love my life. do a lot of charity, yet i get nothing. should died at the accident earlier this year, but still alive. never in the past 2 1/2 years, a day went by without me thinking to take my life. I love this girl, but I don't know to love myself any more. I am alive because i want to see her happy, but I cant find a way to keep myself happy. Working like a dog for the last 5 years is wearing me out, and I cant take it any more. I don't know what to do.

Hi, When you see yourself you see a man who is exhausted and ready to quit life. As I read your story, I saw a young man with incredible inner strength. If you have lived this long on your own from the age of 17, you do have incredible inner strength. You would not have survived otherwise. You have been blessed with someone to share your life, your struggles and your pain. Cherish her. She is a gift.

Your sisters and mother can't help you. They are barely hanging on themselves. You know how hard life with your dad is.

Focus on the good things that you have. Your ablity to work, your girlfriend, your inner strength. You can make it.

Peace.

Hi. I can't explain how your mother feels. But she is probably doing all she can to survive, and probably has nothing to say, because she feels like its her fault, and nothing she can say will make her feel any less guily for what went on.

As far as your sisters. You escaped. They haven't if I understand correctly. They probably wish they could be like you or feel abandoned. And if they are older they probably left without looking back something like that is painful, and each of you have your own ways of dealing with it.

I know you said you don't like yourself. And your girlfriend is the only thing that keeps you going, but you are a survivor you managed to get through those years with out her. And now you have each other. And if she lost you it would affect her. Its a transference of the pain. Have you tried therapy? Meds?

Maybe even if you don't like yourself find one small thing and tell your self you like about you. Or at least something you find tolerable about yourself repeat it over and over and eventually you'll find more qualities you like about yourself. Such as you are there when you partner needs you. No matter how bad you hurt you don't want to hurt her. You have survived this far. And if you don't like your job it never hurts to look for other jobs while working the one you have.

I know you've been hanging in there a long time. And I know you can do so further. You have more strengh than you give yourself credit for.

Holly

I was kicked out when i was 13. I remember eating out of dumpsters and sleeping on the ground at the park with my back against the wall trying to absorb heat. This is what i do now.... I write down the bad stuff. Like a list. And beside each bad thing, I write a good think that either happened before or is happening now or just something good i like about myself today. Read thru the bad stuff. Give it the time it's due. Then move on to the good and give it the same time. Always end with the good. If you go back to the bad, go back to the good too. If you can't find enough good, talk to your lady. I can tell you right now she'll find enough to say on the good side. As for your family, you have to do what is right for you. You are what is important. Your health and your life. Life is a living breathing entity and it has to be nurtured and fed the right things. You made a huge step in coming here. Please take one step further and seek a therapist to talk to. There is strength in you. And love. Nurture them and they will grow.

((((((((((((((( damndepressed )))))))))))))))))))

Hi and welcome to our family at the forums. Your struggle in life gives me reason to believe more and more in things, not to give up. Look at your determination. Amazing to be truthful. All you have lived through.

As said, you are the important one, you must think of yourself, do what is right and good for you. It is so easy to doubt oneself, been there, done that.

Hoping you will find posting here will give you that added 'ummp'. We travel the same road, don't be afraid to reach out and take someone's hand.

Warmie

i tried.. many times.. 2 4get.. tried lovin myself..

((((((((((((((( damndepressed )))))))))))))))))))

Keep trying, it will be worth it. We are here to give our support, may not seems a lot, but it is here.

Take care please

Warmie