My story, a suicide surviver

[loip]

hi everyone, thought i would tell my story.
I attempted suicide in on feb 9th 2010, i went through a really bad patch at work where i was demoted due to budget cuts. this was something i couldnt handle, the feelings of failure and humiliation i felt was too much for me and i took an overdose, luckily i managed to arrange for the ambulance to come find me before i passed out.
throughout my life i have struggled to cope with my feelings off failure and not believing i had any worth, so the work situation was all it took to push me over the edge. I have almost no good memories of my childhood in england the memories i have are of me being a very quiet child who couldnt make friends, i had the mother of all stutters, to the extent where i hated talking, i believe this has stunted my ability to talk confidently. i dreaded break times as i knew i would have nothing to do and no one to play with.
I First thought about suicide at around 11 or 12, this has been constant throughout my life since then, when things go bad i get into a severe depression which would at times come around to thinking about taking my own life, but i would always find something to keep me going, that all failed in feb when i couldnt think of a way out.
I never thought i was depressed though untill after the suicide when doctors and councillors and therapists told me i was, then it all made sense after that.
My family where devestated by what happened, i have and always have had a loving family, but i could never talk to them about anything. since the suicide attempt, they have been great, so have work, they have allowed me all the time i need to recover, when i have a relapse they are the first to see i need time off.
At the hospital i was interviewed by some phsyciatrists who forwarded me to the local doctors and the local mental health people, this was the first time i had experienced this kind of help an it was touching to see how much people wanted to help me. It may seem odd but after the suicide i didnt see what all the fuss was about as i felt fine afterwards. Not untill recently has it really sunk in what i did.
Im going through therapy at the moment and after a shaky start it turning in to a really rewarding experience and i look forward to the sessions, my councilling is also coming along nicely they are being very slow with me, so as not to cause me to regress, i was terrified of telling them about my own past and fears etc, but once i mentioned this to them they promised that i can take it at my own pace, which is what i have done and i can finally see a future for me now.
I still have down moments where i contemplate suicide, but luckily i can recognize it and find a way to challenge these thoughts and change them to a more positive outcome. im no longer afraid of telling people of my problems as i once was and i can even talk about the suicide attempt without breaking down, so i can see a brighter future ahead of me, my only problem is that fact im now on the max dosage of the medication and i fear i may never come off them. but as my family have said. im better on them than off them, everyone sees a change even if i dont.

I dont know why i wrote this down. but it feels good to write this down.

[crystalgaze]

I survived also.

Hello there....

I am glad things are coming along well for you! (Wow! That is some great news!!)

My recovery was not as immediate as yours, but I think I have made it to a point, where I might really be able to manage life again. Mine is pretty slow, but I think I actually might be getting there. I'm always impatient though!

It's like wanting to go outside to play & someone telling me "not yet"or "wait a bit longer" & that I must stay put until then....

Welcome to the forum.... Please keep up the good work.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( loip )))))))))))))))

Welcome! Glad you found us, and hope you will continue posting, get to know us.

Agree with ((((((((( crystal )))))))))) .... great news.

Jeanie

[Mich]

Loip - Welcome to the forum. I have survived an attempt also. You are making a remarkable turnaround; it sounds like you have some really wonderful support and that is so critical. It's great that you are opening up and sharing with your trusted therapist. Keep up the great work and keep your eyes focussed on that brighter future. You can do it!

[loip]

thanks for the replies everyone, there is hope out there even in the darkest moments, just sometimes its hard to recognise it. i found the suicide attempt gave me the support i needed which i wasn't able to realise i required before it. its also brought me closer to my family and work has really gone out of their way to help me and give me time off. so even though for some other people the journey takes a little longer, we will all get there in the end.

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

(((((((((( loip ))))))))))))))

Consider all of us family, and know we will do all we can to help, to give support, for we care. All for one and one for all! Think that is the saying.

Keeping posting, and so glad you found us!!

Warmie