My Story ((Trigger))

[newperspective]

My mother had me when she was 19 years old and because of this could not attend college and had to immediately start working. She is a very ambitious woman and things that keep her from doing what she wants to do she tends to get rid of. Well at the age of 6, my mother had my sister, and it was at this point that I was subject to all of her anger.
She began to favorite my sister and physically/verbally abuse me. This went on all the up until I turned 18. My mother has always had an angry disposition, and I have always loved her as my mother. I can't say there weren't great times.

Beyond this. We didn't have much money. We were already living with my grandparents. There were times when me and my sister didn't eat anything but one tiny packet of oatmeal a day or weeks. We looked forward to going to school because there was food there that wasn't oatmeal. When I turned 13 my grandmother and grandfather got divorced and my grandmother moved to North Carolina, where she got remarried, she wanted the equity from the house, forcing us to sell it and move.

The family was split up and me my mother and my sister ended up an apartment we could barely fit in, much less afford. The abuse continued and the weeks without food grew longer. I had friends at school though. They were great people.

I finally graduated and looked forward to going to college because I could get away from home. This is when the abuse physically stopped, but there were still times when my mother would tell me no one loved or that I was ugly and just like my father.

my father was never around much. and is way in debt with child support. One of the events that hurt me most, was when my father finally got a job and quit it when he found out the government was taking money from his check to give to my mom as child support. It made me feel worthless and unwanted.

Well I attended the University of Maryland, Baltimore County my freshman year. and I loved it. It took me a while to adjust there of course and I didnt like it at first, but when the second semester came around and I met some new people. I fell in love and wanted to stay. I had never been happier in my life. But then the fateful day came, when my mom told me I had to transfer. The school was out of state for me and was too expensive to try and pay for for another 3 years. I was devastated. this place was home for me and I loved it. I transferred to the College of William and Mary with high hopes for an even better environment. But it just got worse.

The people here are dreadful and this place does not feel like home. The work makes it too hard to make friends and the only way to socialize or feel a part of this school is to be in a greek organization or be close friends with someone who is. Its terrible. What frustrates me the most is there is no one here who understands. When I explain why I want to leave my friends simply deny everything I put out. and I don't know how to make them understand why this place makes me so sad and angry.

On top of the years of abuse, poverty, lack of food, and leaving my dream college for one that i hate. I lost my bestfriend here. I have lost bestfriends all through my life. Ive had bestfriends die, commit suicide, lie to me, simply stop talking to me because they found a new bestfriend, betray me, or move away. I am so tired of losing people close to me and here it is happening again. I got really close to a guy here, he was my bestfriend. We did everything together and I couldnt believe that I had found another good friend that I got along with so well. Well second semester rolled around and he moved into the frat units. He was not intending to pledge at first just wanted to make new friends and have a new environment. I was upset that he moved away but knew we would still be friends. and we were. We still hung out every day and were thick as thieves. But then he decided to pledge, which I had no problem with. but when he actually went through the pledging process he began to ignore me adn push me away. It just kept dwindling down and as much as i tried I could not find a way to save the friendship. It is now at the point where he will only talk to me when I say something to him and even then we dont talk for more than 2 minutes. It reallly breaks my heart that he would do this and that i am losing another friend.

In the midst of all this I've been going through depression. It sucks that he would turn his back on me at this exact moment. when i need him most. Ive turned to a few other people but the problem is they are all mutual friends of ours and sometimes go to him and tell him things. Not bad things, they tell him how much he is hurting me. but he still has yet to reach out to me. I feel like ive become a responsibility to them and they dont know what to do. I am seeing counselor but without my bestfriend it seems like I have nothing.

I feel worthless, Its hard to wake up in the morning. I dont have a roommate here because she hated this school and she left, I dont fit in to this environment, its really hard to try and let people see where you are coming from, no one understands, i feel alone all the time, and really wanna leave this place. I feel forgotten about and there is nothing I can do. I just needed to get this out adn maybe get some advice. Im so frustrated with trying to get others to see how I feel. They just dont understand.