Please share this with me ,,,and know im with you xx

[xn728]

So many of you are fighting a really hard battle just now ,,ive spoken to you my dear freinds ,and you know that your pain hurts me also ,,but im bursting with this news ,,and i know no matter how your feeling you will be glad to hear it ,,i dont wish to rub in the fact that im feeling better ,,merely want to share it thats all ,,For about a week now the visitor has not been with me ,,i have no fear of the next day coming ,,and i have been sleeping well ,,normally the long days coming would fill me with fear ,,but now im up early to greet them ,,i dont feel bad tempered ,,
ive started doing things like watching the tv ,,never ever did this ,,my thoughts were if i watched tv or anything to enjoy myself the night would pass quickly and tommorrow would be here to soon ,,,i feel like im getting my energy back ,,im planning ahead ,,,i can think like i have a life ,,im looking better ,,Fran says i have my colour back ,,and im smiling and cuddling her more ,,even the ladies at the shop say im more talkative and out going ,i just feel differant ,,i cant believe it ,,i went for a meal the other night and i did want to fight and flight ,but in the end i said to myself ,,im just another face in here no one is interested in me ,,and i did we had a great night ,and were going again soon ,,ive been cleaning the car ,,tidying the garage ,ive been outside in the garden more than i normally do ,,,i dont know what has happened ,,im not taking any new meds im still on the lithium ,,ok im using the codeine still but the doc knows about it and i just have to be careful ,,,i am ((not changing anything while i feel like this ,,))
ok ill shut up now ,,im slowly finding my way around the forum again ,
im still not up to speed but ive posted a couple of nice replys ,,witch has made me feel good because i havent lost my way with words ,,we,ll i hope not anyway ,,i love you all my (((((dear freinds ))))) as you know ,and i will always be here for you ,,maybe my good news will lift you a little ,,i wish i could explain it so we could all use it but i cant ,,will the visitor return ??? i dont know but i do know this if it does it wont get back inside my head without a bloody big fight ,,,,i do hope your ok ,,in pain i know but please stay safe it will pass i promise ,,hugs for now
((((((((((my dearest freinds )))))))))),,,love ken ,,,,xxxxxxxxx

[lisalou]

dear ken,it's so good to hear that you are feeling this much better and you have fought so hard for this and deserve it so much. don't worry about 'rubbing our noses in it',it's a little beacon of hope that a dear friend is doing so much better

[xn728]

Thankyou lisa ,,i have to wonder why this is happening ,,ive been in so much turmoil the last few weeks ,,with the meds madness ,,and all of a sudden this ,,i cant help feeling a little suspicious ,,the visitor going is major news ,,could i dare to think that ive paid my debt ,and this is my life given back to me ,,,,you know lisa i cant explain this any better ,but i can see the same things with my eyes ,,as i did four weeks ago ,,but now ,everything is just so differant ,,sorry it doent make sense ,i wish you could see ,im set free lisa ,i feel strong and big ,like i could do anything ,,i want to dance lisa i want to goe see some live bands ,and boogie lisa ,,,,,thanks lisa sorry i wont go on anymore ,,i hope you feel better soon and i will be thinking about you ,,and you know you can talk to me lisa ,,,,hugs for now (((((lisa))))),,lots of love ken

[xn728]

Today i wake still feeling like im human ,,only the coming days will tell what is happening to me ,,last night i slept ,,and the pictures and the flames behind my eyes were not presant ,,,in all this confustion i never gave the warrior a thought ,,so i looked for him ,,like the visitor he wasnt with me ,,sad! all my life hes been with me ,and has fought many battles with me ,,and for me ,,but my sadness didnt last ,,for as i looked in the mirror to shave this morning he was with me ,,,ohhh how happy i was ,,but wait hes not stood with me now ,,,he is within me ,,the face i see is a new warrior someone who fears nothing ,,,we are finealy as one ,,
just one fear though ,,the visitor the dark creature who has had me in its grip all these years ,,im thinking now it may have taken another ,,and this hurts me ,,but i could never know ,,but if i did ,i would give up this new found freedon so that person may be free again ,,BUT I MUST THINK THAT THIS THING A PRODUCT OF MY MIND ,IS LOCKED AWAY WITHIN THAT MIND NEVER TO ESCAPE ,,,A PRISONER LIKE IT KEPT ME ALL THOSE YEARS ,,,Goodmorning my dear freinds ,,i do hope to see you all soon ,,best wishes ken ,,hugs (((((all))))),,love kenxxx

[Mich]

I loved reading that post about how good you are feeling. I am soooo happy for you....that is truly wonderful. That truly gives me hope. Thank you for sharing it.

[xn728]

hello mich ,,im glad you feel that way ,,you know how i have suffered ,,frightening really ,why and how has this happened ,,you know im even being extra careful while im driving etc ,,because i even got to thinking that the visitor had left because i was going to die in some way ,,Am i crazy no ,,,im just a little suspicious after all these years ,,and then mich on the other hand i know the visitor is not going to return ,,just a deep seated feeling ,,,i even wasnt going to tell anyone about this just yet ,,i thought someone may think it was some kind of sick april fool...,
no its true ,,im lost for reasons as to why ,,its no miracle but it is baffeling
im glad you can share it with me mich ,,i wonder how your feeling ,,i feel your still suffering ,,i hope it gets lighter soon mich ,,,the candles will always be here burning ,,,dont forget and dont feel alone ,,,,good or bad im not going anywere ,,hugs (((((mich))))),,,,love ken xxxx

[xn728]

LISA ,,MICH ,,SISTER ,,,very ill just now as are lots of my dear freinds ,but in my new found happiness ,for witch i cant explain ,,there is a dark forbodeing in the back of my mind ,,you all suffer greatly at this time to the likes ive never seen before ,,the visitor is not here ,pherhaps i have given this foul beast to one of you my dear freinds ,,perhaps it may
be just coincedence ,,or is it ,i always feared this would happen ,,perhaps im just be a little paranoid ,this would be to high a price to pay for happiness ,,please let it not be so ,,i hope you all feel well soon ,you know how much i care for you all ,,with you in the darkness should you need a hand .hugs ((((((((((everyone)))))))))),,lots of love ken xxx

[xn728]

Hello guys ,,ive sat and thought about my last post ,,im sure you were all ill before i got better ,and the visitor was my demon not yours so maybe i can rest easy ,,just worriyng because i cant explain why i feel better ,,,,
i must wait now for my dearest freinds to take there place back here on the forum ,,and then we will be as one again ,,,and this time we will keep a tight hold of you all so you cannot be taken again ,,,,always with you ,,
hugs (((((my dear freinds ))))),,lots of love kenny pop xxxxx

[Mich]

Please do not worry....I do not have your visitor. I have my own demon and I am doing everything I can to fight it right now. I am just so pleased for you and I hope that good feeling goes on and on and on.

[shatteredhopes]

(((((((((Mich))))))))) is right my brother, we have our own demons and you in no way caused our pain...so glad for you that you are feeling some relief and it gives me hope that I will again too have relief.

Lots of brotherly love your way ((((((((((((ken))))))))))))).

[xn728]

Aaahhhhhh (((((sister))))),,you will see some light soon ,,its very hard for you just now ,,and you can only feel hurt ,,and see darkness ,,,,im still amazed at how i feel ,what has happened to me ,,its like ive been looking at life ,in monochrome ,,,,and now suddenly its like super stereo
high def ,,,,im glad you can share it with me ,,,see you soon in my thoughts hugs (((((sister))))),,,,,lots of love kenXXX

[Mich]

It's wonderful to read that this good feeling is still with you. I am so happy you are able to experience life in this way....I cannot even imagine what it must feel like. Everything seems dead in my world and you seem to be experiencing life as it is meant to be experienced. I hope you keep writing about it.

[xn728]

hello mich ,,,its good to see you online ,,,you know mich i do feel wonderful ,,but i have that fear the bubble will burst ,,,,maybe in time these feelings will wear off ,,,,were has my darkness gone ??????,,,,,you know mich fran was house bound last year ,,just the slightest bit of sunlight in the car would make it to hot for her to travel ,,,this morning ive just spent £4000 ,,on a car with air conditioning ,,i wouldent have dared do this 2 weeks ago ,,,,i dont like talking like this it seems so unfair im feeling this way and your all very poorly,,i hope you know i love you all and do it only so you can share this thing whatever it is happening to me ,,maybe it will give you hope ,,how dark my life has been all these years ,,,the visitor is gonna jump out and say APRIL FOOL ,,or i wake up and it will have have been a dream ,,,,you take care mich ,,i worry for you ,,your such a dear freind ,,,thankyou for being there so many times ,,,i will never abandon you or anyone ,,,hugs (((((mich))))),,lots of love ken xxx

[Mich]

Your experience gives me hope that one can rise from the depths of despair into the beauty of life the way it was meant to be experienced. I will hang on to this hope.

[Tiadore]

aww what a lovely thread..i havent read much on here but glad i clicked on this one.

im a newbie but (((hugs)))