Depression Understood Forums

Hello I am soke, just thought I would put in my two cents and do a brief whinge about my life. I am just 16, I live in Australia, I have a younger brother and an older sister 14 and 17 respectively as well as a step-brother and step-sister who are 17 and I think 20.
My dad left for the last time when i was three, after four years he took our money we had been saving up for a car to spend on a trip around the world with his girlfriend, then moved interstate.
I think the main cause of my depression is that, my mum had severe depression for a long time after he left. And she wouldn't get out of bed for days on end only to cook dinner. i am not really good at putting all this into writing sorry.

I felt pretty alone for a long time after that, I had a hard time adjusting at school and would cry all the time for no reason, I was really shy. My most horrible memory was being late for school, and my class was on the tennis court but my mum wouldn't walk me down there and I was too scared to go down myself so I hid in the bushes and cried until the teacher found me.

I try to cover up my sadness alot, if you asked my friends they would all probably say i was a happy loud person but I constantly cover up my loneliness with being obnoxious. I have close friends that I can be myself with but can't help the feeling of wanting to go home, i am very anxious about what my friends think of me as they are all so pretty and I think myself as ugly.

I have made so many mistakes in my life that I regret thinking about my past, I resorted to self harm over many years since I was about 12. I am not confortable talking to strangers eg counsellors therefore I can hardly ever express my feelings unless I am by myself or on rare occasions.

I am very thankful for what I have now, a week-end job, some good close friends. i have good potential if I can beat this insecurity I constantly feel, the need to say something, that shows i am ok. I have a good step-father who cares very much for my family and takes care of us all. I know there are people so much worse off than me and I think very highly of you all.

Thankyou for listening.

(((((((Soke)))))))))) Sorry you feel so alone. Have you tried writing out how you are feeling and taking it to the doc? Then maybe he/she can go over it with you.

hollyann

Soke,

After reading your post the first thing I wanted to say, is that it is safe for you to come here and let out your feelings. There is no judging just people looking either for help for themselves, or being able to help others.

I used to self-harm many years ago and for me, it was a way of punishing myself. From how you seem to view yourself, I imagine that is why you did that kind of behavior. It is a very difficult subject to broach with anyone, even professionals. I was seeing a pdoc at the time who didn't seem to care much about it. Eventually I got to the point that I was able to stop. Sounds like you were able to do that at a very young age. You should be proud of yourself for overcoming that kind of behavior.

I am glad that things seem to being going better for you now (ie) job,good friends and a supportive family.

I have no doubt at all that you deserve those kind of people in your life.

I am looking forward to hearing more about your life.

(((((((((((((((( soke ))))))))))))))))))

Soke Soke Soke Soke Soke

Know that we all love you

love
dandelion

thanks guys i'm no good at putting emotions into words. That will be as close as it gets although reading through I feel that i didn't hit the weasel on the head there