Never thought it would happen to me

[2438]

I am struggling and need help. I am a professional woman who has a great life. I have begun battling depression and am taking medication at this time. I recently fell head over heels in love with what we were sure was each other's "soulmate" and began making plans for our life together. Though I have been married and have been in many relationships, I truly put myself into this relationship wholeheartedly for the first time in my life. Just this week, we "changed directions" in our relationship and may not be facing a future together. This has absolutely knocked me out. We still love each other and talk just like "old times" but the "direction change" has been tough on us both... however, because I am dealing with depression anyway at this point in my life, I really have not been able to see past this over the last few days. I know my kids see it, it's affecting my profession, I have lost 6 pounds, and just cannot clear my head. I find myself breaking into tears in the middle of conversations, crying myself to sleep, not being able to eat because of a huge lump in my throat, and basically forcing myself to put my feet on the floor in the morning because I DO NOT want to move. I have prayed, read Scriptures, faked the smiles, etc. but now find no other option to get me through the next few minutes than to just "spill it" with someone who might understand what I am feeling--- I certainly don't and feel as though this is as good as it will get. THANKS FOR LISTENING!

[Warmsoul/Jeanie13]

((((((((((((( 2438 )))))))))))))) A gentle hug for you.

Is there a professional you can talk with? Perhaps through the church, someone you know you can confide in and it goes no further?

Talking here, does help, the ones that read are wonderful and caring people and are always willing to be there for you. Still a person in real life helps.

I won't go into my life, but I will say, I understand this and how it disrupts your life, your thinking, your sleep, just about everything.

Asking you to continue posting may seem silly, but being able to talk about it, get those thoughts out of you mind for a little while, does help.

((((((((((((((((2438))))))))))))))) take care of yourself, please.

Warmie

[shatteredhopes]

Welcome to the forums! Being here has really helped me, but I second warmsoul's comment that having someone in real life might help a lot too. Have you tried therapy?

I was already suffering depression then my "soulmate" whom I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I sorta viewed as my last chance at happiness, dumped me harshy. When you already have depression/mental illness, something like your "direction change" can be crippling, I know...its good you can still talk to the person though and are there for each other...

Talking or writing about feelings helps me. Also, doing little things to comfort myself. I hope you can take time for yourself to enjoy something like uplifting music or yoga or whatever you like. Little things help a lot I've found.

So sorry you are having such a rough time I know how depression can intrude in every aspect of your life and spoil even the good things...at least be proud of yourself that you are hanging in there with work and trying your best...its so hard...so be proud of yourself for doing what you can!

Welcome again, and wishing you light and peace in your day...

[2438]

Oh my goodness--- you have no idea how much it helped to find your gentle, non-judgmental replies to my ramblings. It made me feel so good to be somewhat understood at a time when I feel completely out-of-control and not really understanding myself. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

[TackingIntoTheWind]

Welcome to the forum 2438! Glad you found your way here!
I would tend to agree with (((( Warmsoul and shatteredhopes )))). I've found this site very helpful indeed. But, assuming you could feel comfortable doing so, and found someone you could trust, I think it might well be helpful for you to talk to someone in " real life ".
When I was at my worst and lowest I felt so inexpressibly terrified and depressed that I felt completely and inexplicably out of control and didn't understand why. Fortunately, I am with a very good doctor's practice, so my GP referred me very quickly to a psychiatrist and I got a lot of support from the local mental health services, until I could start putting myself back together(ish) again.
I didn't find it easy, by any means, but I found it very helpful to talk to my psychiatrist, care-workers etc. I was so caught up in my own problems it was hard to see them in any other way than being swept away with what was happening to me. But, talking to another person, ( perhaps for you a medical professional or perhaps someone in the church as (((( Warmsoul )))) suggested? ), was something I found very helpful. The people I talked to had seen people in my situation before, there could explain the how and the why of how I was feeling, they could give a name to my symptoms, explain the processes behind my physical and emotional " crash. "
At the end of the day, I think that perhaps there may be parts of " recovery " that we can only do for ourselves, but I found that talking to another person can ( If we're lucky! ), supply a new perspective and understanding that perhaps we can't supply for ourselves.
Was it Elie Wiesel who said that: " Hope, like despair, can only be given to one person than another" ? I truly hope that this post doesn't sound trite or glib. But, I truly believe that G K Chesterton was right when he said that the conspiracy of the gentle, the kind, and the honourable, is the most secret and effective conspiracy of all. ( Or words to that effect. )
So, if you choose, I hope that you will find a trusted " real person " to express yourself to in a " safe space ".
Good luck, it CAN get better.