Depression Understood Forums

wow this is harder than i thought, i don't really know where to start. well i'm a girl n i'm 20. i was diagnosed with clinical depression in November but i believe i've been dealing with it for most of my life. i'm socially awkward, i hate my life, i feel alone all the time and i find it very difficult to trust people or to make friends. the friends that i do have, i feel like they're sick of me most the time, that i'm a burden to them and that there is always a more important friend to them. i know that might sound stupid and selfish but its just how i feel. i would love to be able to feel like there was someone that i could rely on and that i could confide in completely but there is no one and i just feel so alone. i had a big fight with my mam last monday too and we haven't spoken since. she's absolutely mad, i believe theres soomething wrong with her too but i don't know what. when i told her that i was taking meds for depression she said- oh right and went ahead with whatever she was doing. her n my dad had a fight about six weeks ago and she hasn't spoken to him since either. the house is so tense even tho my dad is a lot more relaxed when she isn't nagging him all the time. he also suffers from depression and high blood pressure and has done so for years. my mother is the most stubborn person that i have ever met and she must always be right about everything. she doesn't deal with issues and she is also a hoarder. our house is full to bursting with every type of clothes and bags and shoes etc. we have clothes in piles in the spare room, the kitchen and the hall and the house is a complete tip, so much so that we haven't had visitors in our house in years. in my entire life i have had three friends visit my house and they were confined to my room, the sitting room and the toilet so that we could hide the state of the house. my mam would move the piles of shoes that she has lining the hall into another room for anyone that visited. no one realised just how much effort it was to visit my house! i remember one time my friend and her mam came over randomly for a visit and i had to pretend we were going out and couldnt let them into the house. it was so completely humiliating. i feel like i missed out on a large part of my childhood in that way. like the three closest friends i have in my life right now one of them whom i've been friends with for nine years has never been in my house. its beyond ridiculous. we were also brought up thought that we were to keepeverything secret. my mam would give out to us if we told anybody anything to a point where i would be afraid to tell anyone anything. if we were going down the country for a few days she would tell us not to tell anyone that we were going and wouldn't even let my dad tell his father, our grandad most times even though he only lived two doors down (he's since died). in would love to do something as simple as have a friend over but i never could and at this point i really just want out of this house but i dont have the money and i don't think i'm emotionally ready either. i can't look after myself. i seriously don't know the simplest of things about living by myself or taking care of myself and i think i anyone saw the way that i lived that they would be in shock and disgusted by me. i just don't know what to do anymore. i just cannot cope anymore. everything is just so difficult

Hugs to you! ---> (((((((((((( smh ))))))))))))))

My parents have quite a bit of stuff too.... I don't know if it's hoarding exactly, but I do know it's hard to manage.

I always keep looking for ways to reduce...

I've never had friends over to the house, as my parents are finicky about it, too, BUT WITH GOOD REASON (& I'm 25, going on 26).

A lot of people don't like us. We are secretive, too, or rather we don't believe in putting our business out on the street. It's a tradition, I guess. In my case, it is a bit of a survival tactic. By being secretive, not too many people can be up in my business. You see, I grew up & live in a community where people come to your house, just to see what's in it & then possibly to rob you or report it to the whole world (& then someone ends up robbing you).

I also had a lot of fair weather friends & that would've been so many people in + out the house who were undeserving of the privelege. (I'm not saying your friends are.)

Your situation is a bit extreme. Maybe mine is too.

You can live on your own, but those 1st steps can be a bit scary. You will get there one day. Please try to keep yourself destressed for your sake.

Take care!

thanks, this site is pretty amazing, knowing that there are other people going thru similar stuff as me cuz when you're suffering from depression its so easy to think you're completely alone like i do at times. i don't think my life can really begin until i get out of this house. i'm finished college in may so maybe if i can try get a full time job then i could afford tto move out n try live by myself or with someone. doubt i could afford to live by myself even if i did have a full time job. the idea of finding a job in this economic climate is pretty slim too tho. my mam is my biggest problem right now. she's incredibly stubborn and i know that if i left this house still not talking to her that sh wouldnt make the effort n we could end up estranged. it seems a bit dramatic right now but i could see it happening. i can't make the first move this time tho, i always end up apologising for stuff just to restore peace. not this time tho, i can't deal with things just being the way they always are and everyone pretending that nothing is wrong when nothing is right. ugh end of rant part two lol

Hello again smh! You're just fine! Don't worry about ranting.

It's good to get these things out sometimes, huh?!

Just don't give up hope, ya? Okay? As long as you make the effort, I am sure something will work out for you at some point.

I am trying to find a job, too.... ~lol~ I have a whole thread, chronicling my experience, which is kind of hilarious with its ups & downs....

http://depression-understood.org/forum/ ... php?t=5813

There are things I came across that might work for you, like temporary work. I haven't found a job yet, but I am not going to give up just yet.

I, too, would like to move out the house or at least move downstairs or upstairs & have some space to myself.

My mom & I fight a lot, but funny enough, since my dad has gone away, we have gotten along pretty well for the most part.... (I wonder why that is?)