Whats in my head - may be triggering !!

[silenced_voice]

I dont really know where to start. This is my first time on here.
I just dont know how to feel better about myself, i dont know how to love myself or expect respect because ive never been shown it. Ive encountered all types of abuse at the hands of those who are meant to love me.... from really early on...i can remember when i was 4 but i think it was younger then that. I want to be happy i want to be free i want to feel something other then hate for myself. Some days i cannot drag myself out of bed im on holidays at the moment and finding that that is making me worse...because i dont have to be anywhere so i lie in bed and dont get out....whats the point?
My head is a tangled mess of confused thoughts that go round and round and i cant make any decisions....
I am in an abusive relationship at the moment and i cant leave...i wont leave because i dont believe that i deserve any better. But i want to feel better. I feel hopeless and out of control

[xn728]

hello my freind silenced_voice im sorry for this terrible torment and pain you suffer ,theres not a lot i can say really ,i suffered abuse of a kind when i was seven ,and it still lives with me now ,if it were possible to get away from your tormentor i would do it quickly ,but as you say you feel you cant ,can you seek help ,or is the pain to much to share with someone face to face ,i dont know ,,alL i can do is to offer you ,the kind words you will find on this forum ,we all have our differant pain here and to share it can lift some of that burden ,,maybe you sharing this post with us will be the start of the kind and compassionate words we will; send you
ill be thinking of you so please dont feel alone in this dark world we share
this is a big family here and jion us if you will ,post more when you feel like it ,,,let me take your pain for a while so that you may rest ,,
stay safe ,never be alone ,,,hugs ,,xn728
Reach out and we will catch your fall

[TackingIntoTheWind]

I haven't had the experiences that you've had, so I don't really know what to say.
So, as a convinced Human Rights activist, ( Although not as active as I should be! ), I'm going to fall back on the wisdom of far wiser men and women than me.
On 10/12/1948 the United Nations General Assembly ratified the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The first sentence of Article 1 is as follows: " All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. " ( " ALL HUMAN BEINGS..."! )
I firmly believe that THIS MEANS YOU.
You say that you are undeserving of love, respect or appreciation. Well, I have to say that I cannot, in good conscience, agree with that. You are just as deserving of love, respect and gentleness, just as deserving of hope and a better future, as any other human being who has ever lived, is living or ever will live at any time in the future.
As I say, I haven't had your experiences, I haven't lived your life. I hope that this post won't sound trite or superficial. I don't underestimate the severity of your feelings ot the difficulties that you face. Difficulties that I have never experienced.
However, you have only one life, and you DO deserve better than to spend it with someone who doesn't treat you with the respect and kindness that every human being has a right to expect. I don't know where you are, or who you are, but I hope and pray that you will find somewhere near you the competent, professional help that will be able to understand and help you. That will be able to start you on the road to the better future that you DO deserve. For just as you have inborn human rights, I also believe that you have the inborn human capacity to, with help, start to find your way to better days. Posting on this site was a first step, a brave step. I hope that you will find the support to take other steps that will help you.
Good luck!