my lost chidhood ,the visitor/i heard the rain

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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xn728
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my lost chidhood ,the visitor/i heard the rain

Postby xn728 » Tue Apr 21, 2009 4:27 pm

r uss was a big part of my life
Last edited by xn728 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aim
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Postby aim » Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:20 pm

Wow, xn728... that is some story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

The idea of one part of you walking into the flames of fire is very very intense and profound... is Russ gone forever, do you think?

It sounds like you've had a quite a struggle with depression, but you are beginning to learn how to cope and live with it. Maybe that's a good step in healing? I don't know...

I'm a bit awed by your entry. Very interesting stuff, xn728. You seem like a very smart person - I hope you keep writing and posting, and I'm glad you're having a better day today.

((((xn728))))

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xn728
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Postby xn728 » Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:35 pm

when young
Last edited by xn728 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aim
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Postby aim » Mon Apr 27, 2009 7:32 pm

Did you ever hear the Michael Jackson song, "Have You Seen My Childhood?" Great song and your story reminds me of it...

Again, xn728, thanks for sharing all of that. Do what you have to do now to be happy, ok?

What makes Ken happy?

Monty
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Postby Monty » Tue Apr 28, 2009 12:37 pm

Looking at the last posting for the topics that are going on in the forums, it is pretty scary for me, to see that most of them have me as an author.

Sorry to all that I seem to be full of it this morning. I think it is just that I am feeling that I have so much stuff that I need to share, on my own level, that I am trying to let it out by posting to others. Again sorry for this posting outburst.

I am also sorry that you are going through a living hell in your life xn728. Like Amy, I want to thank you for letting us into what is going on in your life. Too many times in my life I have felt guilty for sharing what is going on in my innermmost heart, wondering if I have done it in an inappropriate way, to people I shouldnt have shared with.

Not the case here, you are safe.

I can tell you, without reservation, that pretty well all (if not all) of the people that are reading your posts also have the visitor (I often refer to it as Churchill did, the black dog, or black fog) come too often to their lives.

Posting here makes me feel like I can cut through a lot of the crap because I dont have to try to explain something that is such a major affect in my life, because they already know about it, all too well.

The nice thing about being to do things on-line is that you can post at either noon, or 2am. Whenever it feels like you can share. It seems like I may be, too much into sharing this morning. Seems like I am tripping over my own feet in apologizing so much this morning.

BTW it seems like our stories are eerily similiar. Also I am 51, so we must be close in age also.

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xn728
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what makes ken happy

Postby xn728 » Tue Apr 28, 2009 2:45 pm

what is happy
Last edited by xn728 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aim
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Postby aim » Tue Apr 28, 2009 6:46 pm

Sounds like you do feel happiness with you wife... am I wrong in saying that, xn? Does she help you with your depression?

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xn728
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happiness

Postby xn728 » Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:29 pm

happiness is a emotion i dont own anymore ,the visitor has it ,i would give my life ,so my wife could keep hers ,the happiness i feel with her is a model moulded in my mind ,to replace the real feelings kept captive deep inside were my soul once was ,im in bed now ,the visitor rests besides me .it doesent like me coming in here ,it feels i may gain strentgh from here and try and escape ,so it makes me feel very sad at the things i read ,so much so i feel i cant come here anymore ,the visitor has no phycical powers so it must use these emotions against me ,i write here hoping someone may be helped by my experiencses, its dark now .tommorrow calls and im scared ,thanks for your comments ,,,,xn728

aim
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Postby aim » Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:23 pm

xn.... have you ever sought help from a professional? It's a shame that you do not feel that you have any happiness in your life. You obviously love your wife very much - how much does she know about your depression?

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xn728
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help

Postby xn728 » Thu Apr 30, 2009 1:44 pm

yes help many times
Last edited by xn728 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aim
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Postby aim » Thu Apr 30, 2009 6:38 pm

I'm sorry you feel that way, xn. I wish the best for you, and do hope you keep posting...

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xn728
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sorry is just a word that ends in (why )

Postby xn728 » Fri May 01, 2009 2:04 pm

dont be sorry ,you replied and i am grateful for that ,when i fisrt read your story ,i felt if i wrote to you i could be of some help ,sometimes when i write things they are worded in a strange way ,i often read them myself and think how did i get here ,i write from the heart /and the soul that is no longer mine but it is still inside ,so maybe i am hard to understand ,so dont worry its fine .we all need each other ,,,,reach out xn728

aim
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Postby aim » Fri May 01, 2009 7:16 pm

Well, I am here to listen if you need it, xn. I probably should tell you that although I did suffer from a very serious clinical depression many years ago, my main issue now is pretty bad anxiety. I live with it and fight it every single day. I do understand the struggle of trying to get through each day, battling with a silent opponent that only I can see.

Also, your writing is interesting. The way you word things is unique. I'm a writer myself, so I certainly appreciate your use of language and metaphor.

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xn728
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the writing /it just comes out that way

Postby xn728 » Sat May 02, 2009 1:49 pm

the way i write
Last edited by xn728 on Sat Sep 12, 2009 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

aim
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Postby aim » Tue May 05, 2009 2:36 pm

I have generalized anxiety disorder, but have been able to function with the help of Paxil. Has your wife ever tried it? It's specifically for anxiety - not depression.


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