Depression Understood Forums

So this is my first time posting on a forum, so I hope I dont bother anyone, but i needed to write this down and get it off my chest.

So i have dealt with depression for the past 10 years, not as a constant problem, but with intermittent episodes appearing and dissipating in time, as a badly healed ankle sprain. I tried telling my mother once. She told me therapy made people weak and dependent. We were at the mall. I cried all the way back home. The issue was never again addressed. Now 6 years later, I cut myself and take pills. I don't do it to attrack attention, that is why I am writing here and not telling anyone in my life, nor do I think anyone would listen to me. My parents have never listened to my needs; if I tell them sweetly, they forget, if I tell them angrily, they get enraged. I cannot tell my friends; they do not feel comfortable expressing feelings and have changed topics whenever I've brought up the subject. I cut myself and take pills because sometimes the feelings are just too overwhelming, and I have no one to talk to, and no where to run, and nothing to shout out to.I feel unchershid, unloved, unheard and a nuissance all together. But when the physical pain hits, for a moment, I don't feel so overwhelmed, and I can breath again. And the pills slow down my heart which also makes it easier to breath and think and calm me down. But then I get control of my emotions and my thoughts, and I feel ashamed of what I've done to myself, and of how I felt in order for me to do that to myselft. The pills are easier to forget, but the bruises remain on my arms for days, and I have to see them everytime I brush my hair. I feel ashamed when I see the bruises; I wonder if I am emotionally inbalanced and this is all a big rant. But then again, I think this is how people kill themselfs. People usually look for help, try to connect with their friends, or medicate. Suicide is not something that comes out of the blue. It is when people feel alone, uncherished and have ran out of options, that they try to end things. So I am a bit worried about this lack of control that I have. I do not have suicidal thoughts at the moment, but I also didn't harm myself some months ago. I want to get help and I want to get better but I am afraid my parents wont listen and support me.

This is my first time writing back to one of these so if my response isn't great please dismiss or ignore this.

I'm not good with parent stuff but I really wanted to reply to give some advice about self-harm. Although self-harm is a valid coping strategy, it definitely isn't a healthy habit and I think you've acknowledged this too because you feel ashamed about your actions. Although the feelings aren't great, try to use this as motivation to stop cutting and taking pills. Discover new healthy coping strategies that work for you and also make you feel more grounded and less overwhelmed.

Here are a couple of things you can do before you self harm to give yourself some time to think and reflect beforehand:
-Take the thing you were going to self harm with (in your case i think the pills or/and whatever youre using to cut) and wrap it up in towels
-Count to 100
-Try to list every ____ (ice cream flavour, hockey team, flower, item in your bedroom, type of dog/cat, dessert, etc) you can think of
-Recite the alphabet backwards
-Practice a times table
-listen to a song
Here are a couple of things that you can try as self harm alternatives:
-Holding an ice cube in your palm until it melts
-Snapping an elastic band on your skin (bot too hard though!!)
-Drawing with a marker or pen on where you have urges to cut (NON PERMANENT of course lol)
-Blast loud music you enjoy in earbuds
-Take a cold shower or dunk your face in cold water
Some other things you can try when you feel overwhelmed and/or to distract yourself:
-Rip up paper
-Punch your pillow
-Eat a snack as slowly as you can, focusing on the texture, taste and smell
-Take a bath or warm shower
-Watch an interesting youtube video
-Play a video game

There are so many more but those are a few things that really work for me. I hope this helps! When you are feeling overwhelmed it might be hard to remember some of these things but try to practice a healthy coping method that works for you, even when u feel just the slightest anxiety so youll be used to it or remember in a difficult time.