Depression Understood Forums

I'm a 29 year old female. Recently moved in with my aunt and her husband after a 3 and a half year relationship, didnt work out. It's been almost 5 months and it doesn't seem to get any better. Every day is a nightmare. I stay in my room all day long on my days off. Only thing going good right now in my life is my job. I thank God for my job is a blessing even during this pandemic I'm so grateful to still have my job at the hospital. And that's what gets so so upset. I dont have any kids I feel like I've wasted my whole 20s chasing after people chasing after love. Not knowing what to do, where to go. I feel like I have no direction in life. I dont have any degree. I work guest services at the hospital. I always wanted to become a nurse but I dont do absolutely nothing to make my dream happen. I just want to smoke all the time and be in bed and stay on social media watching other people's wonderful and happy lives. I came to the realization I've always been this way. I don't have any friends. It's hard for me be social. I'm a very nice and sweet person I get along with almost everyone at my job and everywhere I go I try to be a nice and good person. I ask God all the time to help me and motivate me. I dont feel any motivation to do anything . I cry and I ask God to please help me. I'm almost 30 I dont have a house, apartment. My car which I've had it for 10 years is paid off. My life seems to never be going anywhere feels like I'm stuck. This breakup also has taken a toll on me. I feel so betrayed i just want to be alone and never trust a soul in my life only God.

Oh dear I feel for you!

It must be really hard... I think you really should try to pursue your dream, being a nurse is such a beautiful job, and you look like such a sweet, caring person, you would be amazing at it! If there is one thing I know that could help you though, is that you will never be 100% "motivated" or "ready" for something that will ask you a lot of work and courage, like starting to study. I really feel like motivation comes from doing things, even small ones. Sometimes I just force myself to start, even if i don't really feel like I'm ready... You could take small steps like "today, I will look for the places in the area that offer this kind of courses" and then tomorrow, you look at the programs, and you will see if it makes you want it? It is just a suggestion of course, I don't know what can work for you, but this method works for me at least, even if I just want to sleep for days at a time from time to time... In any case, I hope you will feel better soon, and that you will be able to get comfort in your pain.

Big hug from Europe!