What am I doing wrong?

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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unknown93
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Apr 02, 2020 4:35 am

What am I doing wrong?

Postby unknown93 » Fri Apr 10, 2020 2:16 am

I can have everything in this world and it still won’t be enough. I’m starting to realize that no matter what I go through in life I’m never going to be happy. I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble and I’m suffocating, I’m screaming for help, but NO ONE can hear me. I fake a smile so no one can see what is going on inside. I go take a shower and cry so that it looks like I really went to shower. Anywhere I end up I’m not wanted. I have kids that nobody wants to put up with. I have such a crazy awesome son that my boyfriend says he loves but really, he can’t stand him. I have a daughter that loves her dad so much she prefers him over me. My son rather be with his grandmother because I can’t give him all the things that she can. My daughter looks her happiest when shes with her dad. The feeling of knowing your kids don’t want you is the worst. I say I try my best to be a good mother or a good girlfriend when really, I’m doing the worst job. My son doesn’t have all the things he needs, my daughter seems like she has everything, but it still doesn’t look like it’s enough. My kids could have a better life if I wasn’t around, I think everyone else can see it too. My boyfriend hates me, and I can see it in his face, but he tries not to show it. He rather tolerate me than end our relationship because he doesn’t want anyone looking at him like hes an idiot for having another kid and not being with that person either. Why can’t he be happy with someone else? I’m nobody to him but his daughter’s mom. I wish he would really tell me how he feels and not just what I should hear. I seem to only get that reaction out of him when I really piss him off. He treats me like I’m a child and my parents are telling me what to do. He tells me all the time how stupid I am an that I need to grow up. He makes me feel like I’m not wanted. I wish I would’ve just stayed away from him when I had the chance, but that than means I wouldn’t have had my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but she wouldn’t have to grow up in this shitty world like my son already has to. I don’t know why I cried to be with someone that treats me like I'm nothing. He never wanted me to begin with and he made that very clear from the start. All this is my fault.

Seastar
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2020 6:08 pm

Re: What am I doing wrong?

Postby Seastar » Sat Apr 11, 2020 6:35 pm

Hi there,

I can really sympathise with your feelings. You sound like a good mum though..like you really care about your kids and everyone around you. Your kids might seem happier around other people, but with my daughter I see that she likes spending time at her grandmas and friends and with her dad, and sometimes I get a bit jealous cause I don’t have much to give in terms of money and stuff like that, but I hope and think later in life, if I just do the best I can, be loving and be there for her, then perhaps when she has kids of her own, or sometime later in life she might understand and appreciate and be happy for all the ‘invisible’ things I do as her mum.
It’s not easy being a parent and all these other things we are suppose to be, and I hope you feel better soon.

Prycejosh1987
Posts: 424
Joined: Sun May 31, 2020 10:54 am
Location: Birmingham UK

Re: What am I doing wrong?

Postby Prycejosh1987 » Wed Jun 03, 2020 12:14 pm

unknown93 wrote:I can have everything in this world and it still won’t be enough. I’m starting to realize that no matter what I go through in life I’m never going to be happy. I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble and I’m suffocating, I’m screaming for help, but NO ONE can hear me. I fake a smile so no one can see what is going on inside. I go take a shower and cry so that it looks like I really went to shower. Anywhere I end up I’m not wanted. I have kids that nobody wants to put up with. I have such a crazy awesome son that my boyfriend says he loves but really, he can’t stand him. I have a daughter that loves her dad so much she prefers him over me. My son rather be with his grandmother because I can’t give him all the things that she can. My daughter looks her happiest when shes with her dad. The feeling of knowing your kids don’t want you is the worst. I say I try my best to be a good mother or a good girlfriend when really, I’m doing the worst job. My son doesn’t have all the things he needs, my daughter seems like she has everything, but it still doesn’t look like it’s enough. My kids could have a better life if I wasn’t around, I think everyone else can see it too. My boyfriend hates me, and I can see it in his face, but he tries not to show it. He rather tolerate me than end our relationship because he doesn’t want anyone looking at him like hes an idiot for having another kid and not being with that person either. Why can’t he be happy with someone else? I’m nobody to him but his daughter’s mom. I wish he would really tell me how he feels and not just what I should hear. I seem to only get that reaction out of him when I really piss him off. He treats me like I’m a child and my parents are telling me what to do. He tells me all the time how stupid I am an that I need to grow up. He makes me feel like I’m not wanted. I wish I would’ve just stayed away from him when I had the chance, but that than means I wouldn’t have had my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but she wouldn’t have to grow up in this shitty world like my son already has to. I don’t know why I cried to be with someone that treats me like I'm nothing. He never wanted me to begin with and he made that very clear from the start. All this is my fault.

You have people that care about you. Because your misjudging you are thinking things that are completely false. If your boyfriend hated you he wouldnt care about you. You cannot tell a person feeling by just looking at them. Negativity creeps in. You need to stop being negative and start communicating more with your partner. Care about your kids and want the best for them and offer support, it will improve your relationship with them and it will help them make the right choices later on in life. Nothing is your fault but your speculation could ruin everything, so let it all go.


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