Toxic relationship

[Kys]

I am in a toxic relationship but he is all I’ve got so I can’t leave him no matter what he does or how bad he hurts me, I always forgive him and go back to him, he says he won’t do bad things again but he always does. I struggle with depression and anxiety which he doesn’t fully understand and he continues to do stuff which makes me feel bad even though he knows I will do bad things to myself. When he is mad he will ignore me and turn off his phone which causes me to over think and makes me emotional and causes me to self harm. He knows exactly what he is doing and how it makes me feel but continues to do it every time he is mad at me. He always apologises after he has calmed down and promises not to do it again, but always does. When we’re good we’re great, but when we’re bad it’s awful. I love him and I know I need to leave but he’s all I’ve got, I can’t stop taking him back no matter what he does, without him I’d have nothing.

[Spleefy]

This is a common scenario. It can be difficult for women in your situation to find the strength and courage to stand up for themselves against an abusive partner.

Naturally, most relationships are great when they are going well. The true test of a genuine relationship is the support and love our partner gives us when times are not well.

I’m sure you do already, but perhaps you can talk to him about this some more. Maybe keep trying to raise awareness in him that his emotional abusiveness and mistreatment towards you is completely and unequivocally unacceptable and not based on love. If he truly loves you he will listen and stop the abuse. Perhaps he was abused himself growing up and so the abusee becomes the abuser. The problem is, he knows you are in a vulnerable state and he has been able to get away with mistreating you. It is tragic that he is taking advantage of this.

Perhaps he needs counseling himself. What about couples counseling?

Do you have any family and friends that you can talk to?

It might be a good idea to consider building a support network because you critically need that!

Perhaps make it a matter of prayer. Pray for more strength, courage, and endurance as well as for your partner to be more loving towards you. I will also pray on your behalf.

[APOR2017]

This breaks my heart that you are going through this. I am uncertain of what to say if you are insistent on staying. I pray protection over you though. I was in a similar situation and it got very serious. I thought I could not live without him and I am so glad I had someone tell me I was worth more than the relationship because that gave me the courage to get out and I am so happy I did - and that I am alive. You are worth so much more than you are being given. I am here when/if you want help. Big big hugs!