Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Unknownparadox
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Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Postby Unknownparadox » Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:53 pm

There is to much to list but I'll hit a few highlights.

My childhood ended at 10 at 11 I became a full time nurse to a very sick and evil mother. At 14 and a half I was released from my bonds of slavery. Thanks to my evil mother passing away. So at 14.5 I began a life own my own. No offer of help from any family member. They did however show up to raid the house trailer and bury their mother. Around 15 I tried a stent on a fishing boat. The captain nearly killed us in the gulf of mexico. I did manage to find dry land and only had to hitch hike 450 miles to get back.

I have been hit by 3 different drunk drivers on a bicycle the last of which was pretty bad. Every time I have been in the hospital They mess it up bad in a few cases almost killed me. I have had 2 different people try to kill me. I have had 3 different people point guns in my face. I have had to jog in place inside a portable potty for hours to keep from freezing to death.

I have had 2 failed marriages. While my first wife did not leave me for a child molester her sister was married to one. So she raised our children around one. Life it seems isn't without irony. As my second wife left me for a confessed child molester.

And of course the list goes on and on.

I don't believe I have ever had a relationship where I wasn't used or cheated. It seems that every choice I make or the path that looks to be provided is the wrong one. My current state is I am trapped in a small town gossip is rampant here. I have been completely isolated for the last 6 years. Again life isn't without its irony. It recently put a woman in my path that shared many of the same interest I do. Nature gardening animals. And actually expressed a great interest in me. But she was married. So I had to end it before it got started.

At this point you might be thinking I lived a little on the wild side. No actually I prefer calm no drama.

So does it seem to anyone else life is deliberately giving you a unusually hard way to go?

Tired toad
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri May 31, 2019 10:33 am

Re: Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Postby Tired toad » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:06 pm

This is the story of my life. Your life seems far crazier, but then again, I’m just going into high school.

In preschool one of the kids in my class proceeded to give me the talk. In first grade I was almost raped by a kid and so I threaten to cut them up with a chainsaw because well first graders have so much logic and I got in trouble. I’ve always been a very dirty minded kid and so naturally in six grade none of my friends were anywhere near the amount of dirty minded but I wasn’t so I kind of felt alone. so, then I went over to the dirty minded kids and they all turned out to be complete assholes. But yet they were who I stayed with because I had no friends. In seventh grade my best friend tried committing suicide. In seventh grade I also came out as a lesbian. Over the summer however, I thought I had a crush on this kid who is on the family cruise but he wasn’t my family because that’s just gross. So naturally I asked my best friend the one who tried committing suicide who is pissed off about 90% of the girls in eighth grade for relationship advice. That didn’t really go well but we kept talking and everything was fine, and then we started talking about some other stuff, and things lead to more things and then he asked me if we want to f***. I am in eighth grade I don’t really have time for that right now, so I didn’t know how to react so I immediately cut off all contact with him, blocking his number and everything. I Thought I liked him but life carried on. So we had a class together and about halfway through the school year he came up to me and said why do you hate me. So me having anxiety and being faced with all my biggest fears, I said you’re living reminder of all of my failures. From there it only got worse I started having more mental breakdowns than usual and those aren’t really fun so I started writing poems and songs. For example, one day my history teacher was absent and he also had third period History but just with a different teacher. So our class had to go over and my best friend was sitting next to him. my best friend was like here sit with me but I pointed at the other kid and I was like nope can’t do this so I walk to the other side of the room. I proceeded to have my Worst anxiety attack I’ve ever had and sat there shaking I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t think I could barely see, I pretty much was dying. But the only thing I actually could do semi-normal he was write so of course I wrote a really depressing song. It was then that I realized I needed to say sorry so I gather up my courage about three months later, and wrote him a short note because I’ve been trying to contact him on WhatsApp ever since I cut off contact trying to say oh there’s a better way I could’ve gone about this but he didn’t really see any of them. So I gave him his note and he immediately looking at me ripped it up and threw in the garbage. I was like OK that’s cool so I wrote another note the same message and gave him the next day same thing. So then finally I was like if he’s not going to check his WhatsApp I am going to write a page long explanation of why I am sorry. At this point I really couldn’t do much and my grades are slipping my relationships with my friends were slipping and it was really all I could do to have anxiety attacks at 2 AM in the morning thinking about wow I’m such a horrible person And i should just go kill myself right now I didn’t end up doing that. So, the next day I gave him my note and I wrote open the goddamn note on it because he ripped up my past two notes and have not read them so I was kind of like OK well this should probably work so he read the note looked over at me and he has this kind of stare where he’ll just stare through the back of your skull and make you question your existence, so he’s been staring at me after giving the note. he gave me a note and the main idea was I f****** hate you but at the same time I also really miss you and love you and I didn’t really know what to do so I got mad at all of my friends and now I have no friends and I tried to kill myself but everyone stopped me so it’s cool one day I’ll just be consumed my demons and finally I’ll have peace. It didn’t really hit me what the note meant until after school that day I was In engineering club, and I read to the note once more and realized oh shit this is deep so I went into the closet with all the supplies and started crying and I really couldn’t do much to stop anything from happening so I sat there for about an hour crying and cursing my existence and slipping into a worse state of depression then I already wise which is saying something because I was already at that point. About a week later he stopped going to our school and also some background info, he tried shooting up the school because apparently everyone is complete and utter bullshit.I didn’t really have any contact with him and so I didn’t know what happened but then I realize that this is only going to keep getting worse because at this point I’ve been an all a student all of my life and I consistently had all F’s I really only had about four friends because I lost all my others and my relationships with them more steadily going down the drain and so I realized well goddamnit I need to do something. So, I wrote a four-page long explanation of why am sorry and this originally was just to kind of help me cope but then I read through it and was like damn this is some good shit I should send it to him. One time when I was in the office I got his email for the school and so I emailed it to him and I got a reply after the weekend and I wasn’t expecting one and my heart immediately stopped. I read it and it said we need to talk and I was optimistic because at this point that’s a friendliest words he spoken to me since about I don’t know the entire year, because he told me never to talk to him again when he gave in that note so I’m surprised he even read it. So he had a Google doc and I opened it and I put in hey I know you’re probably not OK but are you OK and I waited because we had a standardized test and so about three hours later I got a reply and it went from do you really think I’m OK to I tried killing myself at school the only thing I could think of was you and then that put me over the edge was like yeah I’m doing this but before you jump someone called him, so it went from that to a long explanation of hey I’m sorry I could’ve gone about it a better way on my side, to I f****** hate you you’re a horny bitch but at the same time you’re the only person I’ve ever truly cared for on his. Then he said he was going to forgive me and all I ever wanted was for us just be friends again and apparently that’s all he wanted too, so I said OK let’s forget about this so we talked and it kind of Turned into a long venting session because feelings are great. then we started talking and I realized my heart still hurt and I hadn’t wanted to except the fact that I did still like him, but then I realized that this wasn’t going away. I wrote a nice song for him and I played it on my uke, and I sent it to him and he was like oh that’s sweet and I was like well hey I kind a like you still and he still liked me. but, after I told him, I felt nothing. Literally I felt nothing for anyone even him and I just felt empty. I didn’t know what the hell to do, but I had to stop texting him, so I figured that would give me some time to think. Here we are now almost about to start ninth-grade, and I’m moving away from his high school so I know I’m not gonna see him again until I get a car maybe even I won’t see him then. I feel nothing but at the same time my emotions are so powerful that all I can do is curl into a ball at two in the morning and have an anxiety attack about how I feel everything and nothing at the exact same time. Lucky me, I’m back in the same exact boat as what happened when it all started and so life has been pretty crazy for me and I’m ready just to cut the bullshit but life doesn’t want to cut the bullshit, and on top of this I have a verbally and sometimes physically abusive mom and my parents are divorced and my dad living 800 miles away he’s really really nice and I love him I wish I could stay with them full-time but my mom won’t let me go so I am stuck in my own living personal hell.

Just your average drama with attempted suicide and homicide, abusive parents, attempted rape, and crippling depression.

If you ever need to talk, just pm me and I will listen to you.

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Unknownparadox
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Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:09 pm

Re: Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Postby Unknownparadox » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:46 pm

Thanks for sharing Tired toad. I am sorry to hear how troubled life is for you. But at the same time it makes me feel like I'm not being singled out. I hope things improve for you. Depending on your age you can have some say in where you live. If your father is good with you living with him and you really think it would be better. Tell your mother. You may have to make a few waves to do it. But you could check into it.

MiddleChild
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2018 1:43 pm

Re: Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Postby MiddleChild » Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:06 pm

I feel bad for how your life unfolded but life can always get better than what it is now. Would you consider getting help from a nearby church? It is unfortunate that people of faith are belittled today but they do make a difference. I have been in two separate accidents and people from a nearby church surrounded me with love and practical help such as going to my doctor and were there to help me get back on my feet. After I talked to their pastor, I had hope and hope is like a fire inside that keeps a person going. There are people I know who are still in physical pain but they just tread on knowing that they have so much value as persons. And it makes a huge difference when someone suffering can appreciate the other things in life as a blessing.

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Unknownparadox
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Joined: Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:09 pm

Re: Has anyone else had a life full of crazy?

Postby Unknownparadox » Thu Jun 13, 2019 10:54 am

Thank you Middle child. I believe I am going to take your advice and see if I can find a church.


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