nightmares or memories

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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nightmares or memories

Postby someone. » Sat May 25, 2019 4:22 pm

im back here again. still alive. still breathing. still dead inside . and still hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore. im only a teenager and you probably would'nt take me serious because of this but I dont care no more. an age doesnt determine the shit a person goes thro or their experience . the amount of times ive been shut down or looked over as a dramatic teen is countless. but im not a dramatic teen right now. I have no family and the past keeps getting to me. my nights go unslept and full of demons of my past just killing me . what do y'all see when u see me in real life. a normal happy bubbly teen . im done with this facade. im lonely . I have no family . im scarred. I dont know what to do know more . I lost everything already , I see no point in this but here I am typing my secrets out to the word and 12 am . what does someone do when theyve ben raped ridiculed trashed and neglected? the only thought that crosses my mind is sucide . I need help.

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby Tired toad » Sun Jun 02, 2019 1:20 pm

This may not sound like much, but here it is. I understand how you feel, the long sleepless nights thinking about what happened and what you could’ve done to stop it. The breakdowns, anxiety attacks, and crushing weight of it all on your shoulders, with no one to talk to that really understands. The looks that everyone gives you when you say that you are depressed. All of the “ you don’t look depressed” and the “ you are a dramatic teen, you will grow out of it”. It feels like you are the only one. But you are not. I may not understand what it’s like to be raped, but I do understand what it’s like to be stuck remembering your past mistakes. What helps me to cope sometimes is writing poems and songs, because it is a way to get my feelings out. Or singing songs that perfectly sum up my misery. Or, if you aren’t the musical type, maybe try writing spoken word. It is a type of writing that is kind of poetic, but in more of a paragraph format. I am sorry that you have to go through this, and I wish there was more I could do to help. Try to power through, and find something that works for you.

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby rooce » Wed Jun 05, 2019 5:23 pm

Hi someone,

just wanted to reach out .
my first suicide attempt was when i was 14. i was young but in so much pain that i thought killing myself would be better than living.
now I am 30. my depression, PTSD, ED etc all still kicking but I am kinda glad i didn't end my life at such a young age.
yes i still am suicidal time to time, but shit, we only feel pain because we are alive. lets all enjoy feeling this nasty depression together since no one really knows how to get the hell out of it.

anyways, I was sexually abused by multiple family members since I was 5 (or thats only what I can remember) until I was 14-moved away from all of my family I chose to run. It was one of that repetitive thing by family members that you think you can trust. I was too young to even understand.

just thought I would share little bit of my story with you. feel free to PM me if you want to chat

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby kenopam » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:47 pm

You need a support group right away! Perhaps ACOA or AL-Non! Get around people! Im in AA but Im planning to go to Al-Non! It will change your perspective and you'll have a family of sorts! Being alone will mess you up if you're depressed!

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby Unknownparadox » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:18 pm

I have been through similar. I was never actually raped I had more than 1 try and 1 was my own brother. My life has been a living nightmare, even though all I ever wanted was a little peace. At night I still see my mothers evil face when I lay down, a perfect image every time even after 35 years. I was on the street at 14.5 years old. I survived by telling myself life was not going to destroy me. But I am wearing a little thin after 35 years. I suggest you try to get some help now. I rejected it myself. That was the worst mistake I have ever made. While I know getting help is no easy task don't stop trying to get it. Even if you fail to find some, time and time again. Don't stop trying to get help.

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby athena.vhd » Sat Aug 17, 2019 3:43 pm

im a teenager so sad u feel like this in this age and age wont say whats happend to us.
stuffs have happend to me that havent happend to my sister who is 32 years old and i cant explain whats happening to my family.
i hope u will find at least a good friend and good future.
ill pray for u and i care :D

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Re: nightmares or memories

Postby Spleefy » Sun Aug 18, 2019 7:43 am

Howdy someone,

I agree, age is irrelevant. Nobody, of any age, is immune to painful experiences. And, if anything, it can be harder for younger people, such as children or teenagers, because they are still learning how to cope effectively and building resiliency. But, then again, even many of us adults are still learning these basic things because our parents did not give us the guidance or tools to thrive in the real world. Often parents are not taught themselves and so the cycle just continues through the generations… at least until someone in the family steps up to the plate, takes the lead, and starts to pass on a legacy that really matters—core values and life skills!

I was in your situation in terms of no real family network or support. It is very sad that many people are born into such a family. Moved out of home at fifteen and had to learn to survive on my own. It was a messy ordeal indeed.

I pray that you find peace, guidance, love and nurture in your life. I would encourage you to keep learning and building resiliency. You sound like a resourceful person, so learn effective coping strategies—there are tons of resources online. Use what you learn and apply it! It will pay off big time both now and in the future. The only way I survived (since I didn't have proper parental guidance) was because I was resourceful and figured stuff out for myself.

However, I would err on the side of caution on which sources you get your information from and especially who you use as role models. I learnt this the hard way.

When I had depression, I would often turn to military thinking and self-help gurus. Some things they teach are useful and practical, but their message and instructions are based on this world of things, which is aggressive in nature, self-serving and materialistically centered. I have no interest in adopting the core values that belong to this world. It wasn’t until, years later, when I became a little wiser (actually, probably more because I exhausted every other avenue I could think of lol) that I finally chose whom I want to guide me—Jehovah God. Now there is no turning back!

Hang in there. Please keep posting if you need people to talk to.

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