feeling stuck
Posted: Sat Apr 13, 2019 1:29 am
People always say it gets better but I am starting to realize that it really doesn't you just hide it better.
I came to this conclusion a while ago. I suffer from anxiety and have been struggling with an eating disorder for almost 8 years and I have attempted suicide twice. I keep waiting for the "it gets better" to start happing. Recently my brothers have turned away from my parent's religion and a lot of pressure has been put on me to be the golden child, but what I haven't told anyone is I am not sure I want to be in the same religion as my parents, one reason being I am Bi and its looked down upon in their religion. I was forced out of the closet by my dad reading texts between me and my relationship at the time when he asked me about them I told him "dad, I am BI", I was really hoping that he would understand. My dad and I have always been closer than my mom and I but instead, he told me that it was just a faze and to get over it, that was 3 years ago and I am still BI. Recently I house sat for my parents and had one of my very close friends over, we got super drunk and then got intimate. In the morning I explained to her that it got way out of hand the night before I didn't want her to feel weird bc she is straight and it messes up our friendship also I don't really see her in any other way other than a close friend. The reason I mention that is part of why I feel stuck my friend and I are sworn to never speak about it bc if we do then it will end badly for us both homosexuality is a huge no-no in this religion. Now I would just leave except this isn't just church every Sunday I was raised with only other people from this religion and would be completely shunned from everyone I ever knew including my own family. I just don't know what to do and I keep wondering what would be better to just end my suffering and be remembered as the golden child or keep trying and end up alone and still feeling shitty.
I came to this conclusion a while ago. I suffer from anxiety and have been struggling with an eating disorder for almost 8 years and I have attempted suicide twice. I keep waiting for the "it gets better" to start happing. Recently my brothers have turned away from my parent's religion and a lot of pressure has been put on me to be the golden child, but what I haven't told anyone is I am not sure I want to be in the same religion as my parents, one reason being I am Bi and its looked down upon in their religion. I was forced out of the closet by my dad reading texts between me and my relationship at the time when he asked me about them I told him "dad, I am BI", I was really hoping that he would understand. My dad and I have always been closer than my mom and I but instead, he told me that it was just a faze and to get over it, that was 3 years ago and I am still BI. Recently I house sat for my parents and had one of my very close friends over, we got super drunk and then got intimate. In the morning I explained to her that it got way out of hand the night before I didn't want her to feel weird bc she is straight and it messes up our friendship also I don't really see her in any other way other than a close friend. The reason I mention that is part of why I feel stuck my friend and I are sworn to never speak about it bc if we do then it will end badly for us both homosexuality is a huge no-no in this religion. Now I would just leave except this isn't just church every Sunday I was raised with only other people from this religion and would be completely shunned from everyone I ever knew including my own family. I just don't know what to do and I keep wondering what would be better to just end my suffering and be remembered as the golden child or keep trying and end up alone and still feeling shitty.