Depression Understood Forums

I spent a lot of years with hate and regret about my personal life.

I hated my ex-best friend for dumping me for a man.

I hated a former supervisor at work for treating me like garbage.

I hated my ex-boyfriend for leaving me financially broken, untrusting, and leading me on.

I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve learned that you must forgive those you hated, and be grateful for the value that their presence, no matter how bad it seemed at the time, has had on your life.



I am now grateful to that former friend. When I first saw her, I never thought we could ever be on speaking terms, never mind as close as two women friends can be. She was popular, a star in the drama club, and I actually admired her. Now I know that I am worthy to be friends with anyone. I know that even though someone may look put-together, lucky and like they have a charmed life, they are human as am I; they made mistakes, they struggle with their self-esteem, and they feel pain – just like me.



I am grateful to that supervisor who was so cruel and unjust to me. I am grateful that she verbally abused me, and humiliated me in front of my co-workers. I gained a great deal of strength from that experience, and began to understand why people bully. They bully because they see something in you that frightens them, and they need to try and squash it before you excel them. That experience taught me that I was force to be reckoned with at work, and no one can take that away from me. I thought that I would never forgive this person; now, however, even though she is not my supervisor anymore, I can see the respect she now has for me. I survived her – and she knows it. I think I actually forgive her now. I will never forget the months of tears I shed at her hands, but I can forgive her and be grateful.



I am now grateful for the experience of my ex-boyfriend. He taught me what love was not. He taught me to take charge of my own life, because I had to depend on myself. He taught how a woman should not be treated. He taught me that some people are just too broken to fix. He taught me that I could get through any type of pain and loss. He taught me to appreciate a good man when he comes along, because that was the one thing that he was not, nor could ever be.



I learned self-confidence from that deadbeat friend.

I learned that I was smart and strong from that evil supervisor.

I learned that I deserved to love and be loved completely, and with my whole self, by a wonderful and kind man, as I am now, from that ex-boyfriend who spent six years telling me that I was not special enough for the kind of love that I NOW HAVE.



It’s important to let go of the hate and just forgive. Once you do? Life begins to fall into place… that’s what I learned. It often takes pain to grow. And I don’t regret any of it anymore. I needed to experience all of that loss, hurt and struggle in order to have the life I have right now. And I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.

Got this in an e-mail and thought it was great! Just wanted to share it with you all

40 Steps to a Better Life - 2009

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and record your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: My purpose is to __________ today.

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2008.

7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds and walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: In five years, will this matter?

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your friends often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride.. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more, May nothing but happiness come through your door.

((((((((amy)))))))))

thanks Amy for the list

on a side note, i do 9 way to much....in class....during tests.....while driving....while watching tv.....while brushing my teeth....right now. i dream for anything.

either i dream to much or i have ADD, lol

Hey!!! Thank you for reading my post and responding!!! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad that someone is reading the more, "inspirational" posts!

Don't ever stop being a dreamer, ok? I agree... time and place for everything, but dreaming is a really important part of getting what you want out of life!

You're the best... keep posting and never stop believing in yourself, Mr. Comicallydepressed!!!

Now that I have found this group, and keep coming back to it, you will soon find out that I was a keypunch operator in a previous life. I have gotten my game speed back. Yes, I was working with computers in the dark ages (we were just past the tablet stage) because we weren't able to do anything on-line. I would have to punch the data on cards, then manually take them to another building so they could be fed into the "big" computer there.

Some would call it a mind-less job but we were able to make it some interesting. There were a group of us entering the same sheets of data, so we would race. Also we were able to listen to the radio while working. I still get good vibes (another ancient word) when I listen to the oldies stations. It was a good time in my life.

I read, twice, your posting. There are a couple that I think need to have stars beside them.

One of them is the huge human destruction that is caused by hate. I know that I kept grudges for years. All I ended up with was being miserable for a good part of the time, and ulcers. A totally useless emotion, ended up giving me actual physical difficulties. I sometimes wonder just how much different things could have been for me, or them, if I had just cut some people a little slack.

The other one triggered a story that I had heard many years ago. There was an elderly man in a nursing home, spent all of his energies on work and making money. His comment in the end was "my BMW doesn't come to visit me every Sunday". Friendships need to be nutured and treasured.

Hey Monty - thanks for reading the posts! Your job sounded like it definitely had the potential to be fun - if you were working with fun people. And seriously? You can honestly say that you worked on computers when they first came out... how many can really say that?

I do agree that hate eats you up inside. The only way I've learned to attain some sense of peace with the things I spoke about in the first post, was to get rid of the hate and just forgive those people. Make myself realize what it was that I GAINED from a painful experience as opposed to dwelling on and being angry about what made it so bad in the first place.

And friends? Oh yes, Monty. When we find the right friends, we should hold on and never let go, I agree. The key is realizing who the right friends are - because most are not.

You're the best, Monty!!! (((((((Monty))))))

Actually I enjoyed my job a lot. I had done well in school, had planned to go to university, with some help from bursuries I had won. I was only going to work there for the summer and then go on to unversity. It turned out that family finances didn't work out as well as they might, so I stayed on at my job.

I started in the mid 70's and moved from my entry level job through the years. When my son was born I had to move on. I ended up as a supervisor but along the way I was a keypunch operator. With the machine punching those little numbers out of the cards, if I had saved them, I would have been able to retire early supplying confetti to weddings.

I have a very dear friend who, lovingly, says that I am older than dirt.

On the computer side of things, i'll give you a laugh. My kid's dad bought one of the first Radio Shack
TRS-80 home computers in 1980. The basement ended up littered with computers.

Sometime I'll go through the introducing thing and let you know all of my little secrets. You accumulate a lot over the years.

I didn't have any friends for about the first 48 years of my life.I now have some very close friends, that even though we see each other pretty well once a week, we always hug hello, and goodbye. The goodbye has a whispered in the ear "love you" attached. It isn't just a pleasantry. We mean it the 1000th time as much as the first time we say it. There are several people in my life that I can do that with. Makes up for all of the years that I was so isolated because of my depression. Life can be a challenge when you are afraid of your own shadow.

What a difference it made in my life, first of all to tell all who would hear about what some depressed people have to suffer through. Also the extreme change in my life, that when things could go no worse, I had ECT. I go a second chance at life, that I won't mess up.

God, Monty. You have such a great attitude. I think telling people that you love that you do as often as possible, is wonderful and so important. Did you do that with your kids growing up?

I ask because my parents were not big, "I love you," people, but they show us how much every day... is that the same thing, do you think?

My boyfriend and I say it alllll the time - and I do love it! I also say it to my friends and my family - no matter how often I see them.