Trying to Change
Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2018 10:11 pm
Hi All
I discovered this forum by chance after being advised that a community with similar problems is a good place to find support for my ongoing issues.
I seem to be suffering from depression which I hate to admit but I guess this is the first step to a better life.
It has come and gone throughout various periods in my life which I think I get over by distracting myself in one way or another such as when I run away in a sense e.g. get a new job or change my routine or lifestyle.
I feel that there has been no particularly traumatic event in my life that has triggered it. Currently I am struggling to find where my future lies, I have some good aspects to my life but find it difficult to allow these to drag me up from the horrendous lows that I suffer.
Only last week I was walking on the beach drinking and smoking, tears streaming down my face. I broke down in the park on my lunch break on Monday this week and in these states I just have the voice in my head telling me how nobody cares about me (except like 2 people whom I don't see regularly).
I feel alienated from my family despite just recently moving back in with my parents. This is supposed to be temporary as I am heading to the mountains to work the ski season, as skiing and snowboarding is one of my greatest passions.
I just feel totally disconnected from my family and feel like they don't understand or try to understand my problems.
I have tried therapy but that didn't help so I am now trying the 12 step system to try to find the root cause of my problems and see if this helps. As mentioned above, one of these steps encourages the engagement of some support and whilst I cannot find this with friends or family, I thought I would try here.
One of my main issues which has brought me here is the fact that in face to face situations, I cannot vocalise my feelings. All I can say is 'I dunno' whilst I struggle to breathe as the tears dribble down my miserable face. I feel that, for context, I should confirm that I am a very healthy male who tries to keep very fit and I'm stumbling towards 30.
Apologies for the lengthy post, I just want to provide some love and support in the hope that I can find some in return to make my life and the life of others happier and meaningful.
I discovered this forum by chance after being advised that a community with similar problems is a good place to find support for my ongoing issues.
I seem to be suffering from depression which I hate to admit but I guess this is the first step to a better life.
It has come and gone throughout various periods in my life which I think I get over by distracting myself in one way or another such as when I run away in a sense e.g. get a new job or change my routine or lifestyle.
I feel that there has been no particularly traumatic event in my life that has triggered it. Currently I am struggling to find where my future lies, I have some good aspects to my life but find it difficult to allow these to drag me up from the horrendous lows that I suffer.
Only last week I was walking on the beach drinking and smoking, tears streaming down my face. I broke down in the park on my lunch break on Monday this week and in these states I just have the voice in my head telling me how nobody cares about me (except like 2 people whom I don't see regularly).
I feel alienated from my family despite just recently moving back in with my parents. This is supposed to be temporary as I am heading to the mountains to work the ski season, as skiing and snowboarding is one of my greatest passions.
I just feel totally disconnected from my family and feel like they don't understand or try to understand my problems.
I have tried therapy but that didn't help so I am now trying the 12 step system to try to find the root cause of my problems and see if this helps. As mentioned above, one of these steps encourages the engagement of some support and whilst I cannot find this with friends or family, I thought I would try here.
One of my main issues which has brought me here is the fact that in face to face situations, I cannot vocalise my feelings. All I can say is 'I dunno' whilst I struggle to breathe as the tears dribble down my miserable face. I feel that, for context, I should confirm that I am a very healthy male who tries to keep very fit and I'm stumbling towards 30.
Apologies for the lengthy post, I just want to provide some love and support in the hope that I can find some in return to make my life and the life of others happier and meaningful.