Depression Understood Forums

Hi,

I'm 28 female, manager in an organization. I also have thyroid eye disease which has sadly affected the appearance of my eye & have been getting treated for that for the past few months. One of the triggers of this disease is stress.

For the past 2 months, I have found myself to be sad very often. When it comes to work problems, I would get very upset. I would also blame myself & feel guilty for a lot of things. Twice, I ended up crying in front of my two best friends because I was guilty over minor things that happened. I used to enjoy going out with friends in general but now, I don't have the same enjoyment as before.

In the last 2-3 weeks, it has worsened. I'd break down in tears at work if there was a work situation which I had to deal with, or simply in public if i think about stuff or comments that friends had done or said that hurt me. I'd cry for hours at home in my room. I never used to be like this. I used to be able to handle stress yet somehow recently, I just break down. I find I cant take any work pressures anymore. Even with my 2 best friends, I find I'm unworthy of their friendship & wonder why they would even want to spend time with me & I've told them so. I feel people around me have set very high expectations of me & I can't live up to it. I also take very long to get to sleep at night, either thinking or worrying about work or cry myself to sleep. In the mornings, I laze in bed & take very long to get up to get going to work. I'm late for work very frequently now.

Last week, a former close staff of mine called me up & spoke rather illogically. She started screaming & yelling in the background when her husband took over the phone. Later, I found out that she had a severe breakdown. Her screams & yells over the phone have been haunting me. I walked out of the office after I hung up & just broke down. It was a wake up call for me & I wondered if I am in denial that I am suffering from depression too. I don't want to end up in her state. Yesterday, I admitted my suspicion of depression to my 2 best friends & they want to help me through this but I don't want to be their problem. The biggest problem for me is seeking help because in the past, I never used to seek the help of others, thinking I could do it all. I don't want to be dependent & reliant on anyone but I want to stop feeling the way I am. I want to be happy again.

Am I suffering from depression? If so, what should I do now? What is ahead? I am afraid of going to IMH for help.

Well, a lot of what you said sounds very familiar. None of us here is a doctor, so anything said here is suggestions only.
That being said; I know right where you are coming from. I didn't see a doctor till my family had an intervention for me. They ended up saving my life.
I didn't want to be a burden to my family and friends. Yet, I was treating my very sweet husband like crap. No patience. Frustrated beyond belief over the most piddly stuff. Just plain couldn't deal.
I do want to share something that my best friend (rest in peace, Philly) once said to me.
She said that I am her best friend. She said that I didn't get depression on purpose, that it is an illness, just like cancer or anything else. Said she wasn't going to wig out over it and that I would be there for her if the situation were reversed. Which is true; so I felt much better about it.
I know it sucks to feel so helpless but LET your friends help. And let them know when they DO say or do somthing that helps. If it makes you feel good to help a friend, wouldn't it make them feel good helping you?
All part of friendship. Hang in there, hon. You are not alone in this.

Hi, thanks for sharing your experience. I realise its exactly what Im going through right now, having a supportive friend by my side. I know I need them, I'm just having trouble accepting it. My 2 close friends have been checking on me to make an appt with the doc since I admitted to them. Yesterday I did. I finally made an appt with the doc and one of my close friends is accompanying me along to make sure I do go. I will let him talk to the doc to ask questions too, so that they know how they can help me. I want to fight this for their sakes. I'm just not sure whats ahead and its scary.

Man, you sound a whole lot like me.
What is so sad about depression is the most telling part; we depressed people don't think enough of ourselves to get help. We get help because our loved ones think enough of us to get help for us.(well, sometimes anyway.)
Hon, there are a lot of similarities in depression, but each of us is unique, with our own way of dealing with it. Find what feels right to you.
It has been almost 9 years since I first got depression and I am STILL fighting to feel worthy. I am still at a loss as to why my husband and kid want ME, and not someone with a lot less problems.(I have 40 allergies too.) But, somehow they seem to want ME, problems and all.
I don't understand it, but I will be eternally grateful for that.
I am so PROUD of you for talking to your friends like you are and making an apptointment to get help!! I will be praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts. Please do the same for me, if you would. I am still having a hard time with losing my best friend, at the beginning of November. Thanks