I deserve to die.
Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:15 pm
I deserve to die. And after reading this you will agree. I have done a lot of bad things in life but these two things make me a monster. I don’t get any sleep anymore because of it. The guilt eats me alive. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I’m a coward. The irony of it all is I’m a compassionate person. I can’t even believe the things I’ve done. I guess I’ll start with a backstory. I’ll try to make it short. But I know none of it justifies my actions.
I grew up with very strict, religious parents. They homeschooled me the majority of my life and I never fit in because I wasn’t allowed to do alot of things like other kids. I spent a lot of time isolated and crying because I was alone. Anyways I had a lot of resentment towards my parents and just my life in general. I hated myself.
Now here’s the bad part. The terrible things I’ve done. When I was around 13 or 14 I convinced my parents to let me get a puppy (a girl on our street was giving them away) but for some insane reason—it’s so hard to even type this—I abused the dog. I would lock him in the closet or drop him from high places. One day I just threw him to the ground. So hard he fell down the stairs and fell off. He ended up getting a small wound. I lied to my parents and said he fell by himself. We ended up having to give him away because my mom was allergic, but I didn’t resist, I knew it was a good thing. I didn’t deserve him. I was so unhappy that I actually abused a dog. I guess I felt that if my parents could ruin my life, I could ruin his. I’m a monster. The only thing worse than a murderer is someone who abuses. Thinking about it doesn’t even feel like me, it seems like some possessed person. But I deserve to die for this. And I will hurt myself everyday until kill myself.
As if that weren’t enough I’ve done another unspeakable thing. Remember how I said I didn’t get out very much? Well the only people I was around were basically my siblings. So all that teenage experimentation you usually do with your boyfriend in high school....I did...with my sister. Yep I’m officially guilty of incest. Someone just kill me already.
I’d never do these things again. I don’t think there’s a more regretful person on this planet besides me. But the thought of them makes me sick to my core. The fact I did this makes me wanna blow my brains out. I deserve to die. I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to di
I grew up with very strict, religious parents. They homeschooled me the majority of my life and I never fit in because I wasn’t allowed to do alot of things like other kids. I spent a lot of time isolated and crying because I was alone. Anyways I had a lot of resentment towards my parents and just my life in general. I hated myself.
Now here’s the bad part. The terrible things I’ve done. When I was around 13 or 14 I convinced my parents to let me get a puppy (a girl on our street was giving them away) but for some insane reason—it’s so hard to even type this—I abused the dog. I would lock him in the closet or drop him from high places. One day I just threw him to the ground. So hard he fell down the stairs and fell off. He ended up getting a small wound. I lied to my parents and said he fell by himself. We ended up having to give him away because my mom was allergic, but I didn’t resist, I knew it was a good thing. I didn’t deserve him. I was so unhappy that I actually abused a dog. I guess I felt that if my parents could ruin my life, I could ruin his. I’m a monster. The only thing worse than a murderer is someone who abuses. Thinking about it doesn’t even feel like me, it seems like some possessed person. But I deserve to die for this. And I will hurt myself everyday until kill myself.
As if that weren’t enough I’ve done another unspeakable thing. Remember how I said I didn’t get out very much? Well the only people I was around were basically my siblings. So all that teenage experimentation you usually do with your boyfriend in high school....I did...with my sister. Yep I’m officially guilty of incest. Someone just kill me already.
I’d never do these things again. I don’t think there’s a more regretful person on this planet besides me. But the thought of them makes me sick to my core. The fact I did this makes me wanna blow my brains out. I deserve to die. I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to die I need to di