Depression Understood Forums

I'm dysthymic (persistent depressive disorder), and basically I haven't been happy for as long as I can remember, but I think that instead of my mood staying steady, like usual, it's been declining to the point where I think about suicide constantly.

I just don't feel like I belong anywhere. On top of that, I'm dealing with a lot of pain from different physical injuries. I've put on 40 lbs in the last two years. I feel so ugly and fat. When I see my family, they always comment on my appearance. Of course, they never care to ask/address what might have led to the weight gain. I've had numerous physical injuries (hip, back, knee, ankle, foot). It's like my body doesn't want to be pushed physically, so I centered walking in my life, but now that I have plantar fasciitis I can barely do that anymore.

I tried to find some positive things to combat the depression and help me meet new people (starting an anti-depressant, joining a gym, buying a yoga pass, signing up for French lessons) but the antidepressant only worked for a few days, and since I started it, I've gained about 2 lbs per week. My French class got canceled. And my foot pain has worsened to the point that I can't even stand without excruciating pain, so forget the gym. Now all this stress is triggering headaches.

Tomorrow I have to go to work and smile and pretend everything is ok. I'm a professor. Then I have to go to a back-to-school bowling event, and pretend that things are great some more. All of this is so mentally and physically draining. I just want a break to get myself together and get my health back on track.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. We are here for you. I would like to encourage you that your weight does not define you. It does not define how other people feel about you. Love and celebrate yourself, you have a purpose and there is beautiful life ahead of you. You are a professor and you are making a difference in your student’s lives. Have you considered joining a support group where you can share your feelings and be able to listen to them too? Online support group like this is very helpful because you can talk to us anytime but according to research face to face meet ups are more effective. Hope you will feel better soon, update us please, I will be praying for you.

Isn't it funny? When I was fit I thought my weight didn't define me. I would go around lecturing people that it's what's on the inside that counts. But I now know that I was wrong. If the packaging is ugly, no one cares to see what's inside.