I have suffered with depression and anxiety since 2003. I am currently on meds and attending a support group for those with mental illness and experiment with mindfulness, but even so, I still get bouts of crying. I am typing this using a speech to text program so please excuse any run-on sentences or errors. Right now I am feeling very lonely. I have just m moved in with my twin sister who I am close but who I am living with for the first time since childhood. I don't really know how to interact with her other than making surfacy jokes.
I have a loving tortoise and many friends yet I still feel lonely. many of the people whobecome my friend are also caregivers that I have hired. I do not mind befriending my c caregivers, in fact I prefer it this way. Recently one of my friends and caregivers whom I was very close to who helped me realize and work through much of my horrible experiences from childhood of being a disabled person and you was helping me work through my anxiety and depression has left and I miss him really badly. As those email below to him indicates I am seeking out other resources but right now I just feel alone. Please help. Below is an excerpt of the text of the email.
I think loneliness gets me every summer; because my job with kids is over for the year, because the peeps have changed, and because I'm not working at my regular job I don't get out of the house as much. This summer loneliness seems more acute cuz you not physically here. I understand that the process you inspired goes well beyond you, but it was also when you came over cool fun and I felt like I was doing. something important. Because I get close really close to a few people, it gets harder when they are not physically , now around. between your moving, Rebecca move things and anniversary of Ben's death and having not yet figured out how to relate to Elizabeth, in part because i'm missing u being physically here so like grief/figuring out how to get my spiritual needs met is taking a longer time and have more urgency because there is a whole that comes in part from missing you at the person but also cup from missing your spiritual comfort in any and your friendship. I know that you cannot fix this and I and and jealous of what I. perceive to be were ability two move from place to place and have friends all over everywhere. I am aware that you also difficult emotional time but you just seemed so much better than I do. Either that's my perception or you just have more practice.
In any case I hope things get better when IC my new counselor on July 5. I am investigating a meditation group at my church and another one over at the Quakers. But until then, it just seems like a lot of lo lonely ness and waiting for the next David ben or Rebecca to appear.
I am aware that I. have much to be thankful for: I have a job, I can now joke. around with my sister lives with who lives with me now. I am covered by good peeps I have loving tortoise and intellectually I know that there are many many people that love me in all different ways which I'm thankful for.
Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.
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I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Like you, I try to look at the positives but sometimes that gets hard. It's almost like having your arm amputated and, as you're processing the pain and problem-solving how to survive the suffering, you're also trying to look on the bright side! I guess what I'm saying is that it's ok to admit that there is great pain happening right now in your life and it's ok to not focus so much on positives because you're trying to survive the pain right now. In fact, I think it's productive to reason with yourself that the pain needs to be acknowledged and addressed and dedicate your efforts toward that end. I'm not encouraging you to wallow or become stuck but running ahead of depression or trying to avoid it has always caused me the most problem. I try so had to not feel it that I do many foolish things (eating, spending money, etc) that cause more issues. I wonder if this also is your case? So what I'm doing now is to be ok with being sad, down, or unhappy for as long as it takes to finally address why I feel that way. And it sounds like you are doing something similar by addressing some of the issues that have made your depression worse. Perhaps there are times in our lives that we will feel badly. However I think that sites like this offer support during those times so we are not alone.
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