Depression Understood Forums

I will try and be brief….as possible….
I have battled depression ALL of my life!!!! (now 49…) Been on EVERY anti depressant under the sun…(I have Chronic Depression) been to 21 different mental health…”so-called professionals”…who did nothing but charge me mega $$$$$$ and use their stupid CBT techniques…(CBT is insane! It takes AWAY from your issues instead of helping them! Their theory is: “Well…you are burning up=literally---no help available…but it is drizzling rain—so focus on that…) I have been Inpatient twice---due to two suicide attempts…

I hate life and I hate myself! Always have on both counts!

One main issue is: I tried for ages to build a nice body—I worked out…ate right---had a trainer….even did steroids (which messed me up more) and NEVER could “get there”!!! Google pictures of Greg Valentino or Ronnie Coleman or Phil Heath….this is “the look” I so wanted….but could not get! I also have thin hair…tried Propecia/Rogaine-no avail…..cannot do transplant…too many horror stories I have seen on that…

Losing hair is worse than dying!!!!!!

It is such an embarassment and it makes one want to die whenever they have lost their hair and everytime they go to a store, etc...see another man with locks flowing like wool!!!!

Tried Propecia/Rogaine...to no avail....cannot do transplant...too many horror stories on that!!

Life is fair??

All men are created equal???

BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since a child…I have ALWAYS wanted to look like someone else…ANYONE else but ME! I always see other guys who have “the look” and I have crap! I am ashamed to take my clothes off and shower….and even more ashamed to be seen in public with clothes on!!!! It is a disgrace and an embarrassment to have been born like this! My face is also riddled with acne scars….

I graduated college with a BS….could never land the right opportunity because I do not know the “right people”! I have no family…except a stepmother who is in skilled care in bad shape. I am single…I have no kids (did not want to pass on my look to a child)

You know…all other guys….they have hair or can grow it…same for muscles…they party thru college (I worked my way thru( and when they get out..Boom! They get opportunities slung at them! The crap that comes so easily for others never even happened for me…in spite of all my wasted effort, time, and energy!!!

Every female I have been in a relationship with…I felt inadequate/insecure/unworthy…and when we would go out and I would see a guy who has “the look” I could sense she wanted him……

I also have Acute Anxiety…I have panic attacks like mad! These started a few years back when I lost my father---who was my idol, my hero, my best friend.

I have had these horrible things since my father passed away almost 10 years ago!

These attacks literally drain my energy!!!

I had one yesterday before work....I thought I was having a heart attack!!

My symptoms are usually:

heart racing
feeling faint
legs feel like jelly
feeling like i am passing out
fingers go numb
pressure in head and face region
tightness in chest
trouble breathing or speaking
extremely dry mouth
a million thoughts processing thru mind at once

Anyone have similar attacks/experiences?

I take a prescription, but man, the attacks are still here?

And in crowded stores....I can NOT do it! I have literally left the items I was planning to buy and ran to my car to escape! While having to sit there 30-45 minutes BEFORE I could even drive.....

I have tried all of the "deep breathing" crappy exercises...which are worthless during an elevated attack.....

have had these horrible things since my father passed away almost 10 years ago!

These attacks literally drain my energy!!!

I had one yesterday before work....I thought I was having a heart attack!!

My symptoms are usually:

heart racing
feeling faint
legs feel like jelly
feeling like i am passing out
fingers go numb
pressure in head and face region
tightness in chest
trouble breathing or speaking
extremely dry mouth
a million thoughts processing thru mind at once

Anyone have similar attacks/experiences?

I take a prescription, but man, the attacks are still here?

And in crowded stores....I can NOT do it! I have literally left the items I was planning to buy and ran to my car to escape! While having to sit there 30-45 minutes BEFORE I could even drive.....

I have tried all of the "deep breathing" crappy exercises...which are worthless during an elevated attack.....
Stress....STRESS!!!!!!!

There is no way to avoid it!!!!

People say the crap---"It is all in how you deal with it" Which to me is BS!

I am no optimist, nor a pessimist....I AM a realist!

99.99% of life IS stress!!!!

Look:

We work
we put up with crap on job---coworkers/bosses/job stress/being stabbed in the back
cars break down
appliances break down
house needs repairs
we are sick...physically/mentally or both
bills are due every time you turn around
family members and loved ones get sick and pass away
vacation/holidays/time off work???---MEANS NOTHING!!! As one day off is gone in 10 minutes!!!! (While a "work day" seems like 100 hours at times!)

So yeah....there is no coping.....just attempting to survive........

All that keeps me going is: !. My life is at least 85-90% OVER!!!! Hopefully more than that! And 2. When I have had enough….

Depression: The tide comes in---RELENTLESSLY—but NEVER goes out!

Thanks for your time and listening…..any advice…I welcome! People who suffer (well I hope nobody suffers like I do) have a better opinion than professionals who know the diseases, but NEVER had them………..

Good Evening, I'm sorry to have read what your going through. You're definitely not alone. I've recently lost my surviving parent, still have my step dad and speak to a couple of siblings who is honest. The other siblings can rot in hell for attacking our step dad for money. But my 40 year long story short, I feel like I was born with depression, I could never feel like I could be happy, even till this day. I was molested at 9 years old by brother. My moms only boy. I grew up being very thin where till this day I feel embarrassed over my body. I have a hatred chip on my shoulder where I've tried everything to get rid of but can't. My life has been a struggle since my parents showed how much they loved me.... Oh they didn't, I was the child that was neglected but just wanted to be loved. Hatred grew in my heart to cover the hurt and tears until five years ago I didn't want to feel like this anymore so I finally told my mom her perfect son who could never do wrong molested me..... Well.... She made me a victim ....again!!! She wanted me to take a lie detector test. Again, I still loved my mother like the Bible says. I have children of my own and the thought of ending my life to me seems great but to bear the thought of leaving them I can't do. I don't take medicine for my depression or anxiety since it does not make things better, to me it makes me feel like I'm not alive. I try to live in the moment which is less than a second at times. Having pets helps my emotions a lot as well. I try not to watch to much TV since I feel there's to much negativity showing. I hope for a least for a moment you will find happiness.

Hello there,

It must be hard going through what you have been for so long. I did suffer from anxiety attack and depression when I was younger but not as serious as yours. And yes, I know that feeling of not liking yourself and life! It's hard for anyone to give advice unless they've gone through the exact same path you've been. I am not sure whether you are religious, but may be finding spiritual help is an option when people and medicine cannot? I do believe in God and just yesterday listened to a sermon in church about someone who had suffered from anxieties and depression all his life. He also has tried many things (alcohol, drugs, medicine, counseling, self help books........etc) but none of them worked; until one day he found God. I am not trying to preach but if you've tried everything else but not this, may be you should give it a try? Focus On The Family has a free counseling hotline-1-855-771-HELP. It might help for you to give them a call? You've tried so many things, one more is not going to hurt, I supposed? I wish you the best and hope you can find your way out one day! Take care!

Ive struggled with depression for a while, to the point of often feeling suicidal and just not wanting to be alive. I hate taking prescription pills and am often looking for other things. someone told me tohttp://thekratomboss.combuy kratom so i did and it has been working great. There are hardly any negative side effects compared to pills, i would highly recommend checking it out.

I know how it feels to basically hate yourself, but if a guy or gal did fall for you, you can't be THAT bad as a person....BUT if you have a low selfesteem, if you can't love yourself, it will be noticed by your partner and you WILL become a burden to them...women expect a man to be "strong with a sense of humor" NOT how "perfectly built" they are....if you accept a woman's cellulite or her own "imperfections" and you both laugh at each other's "funny things about her/him" you will create a beautiful and lasting friendship.

Us women struggle more with selfloathing than men, we know how it feels and it is difficult to trust another to accept you...I suffer from selfloathing to the point that I can't undress before my boyfriend because he is very judgemental and a bit abusive...and I gained weight because of all the stress which only makes it worst, but that is MY problem.

Point is, you will be accepted by women if you make THEM laugh! The most beautiful women sometimes have the ugliest men, because looks are irrelevant (for REAL women).

You may laugh, but get yourself an animal to dote on, THEY give you a reason and a responsibility to care...When my boyfriend gets my down, or if I feel unwanted, I take out my beloved African Grey parrot en smother each other with kisses, he looooovvves me just the way I am. Also, mix with people who likes your company (forget how you look, be friendly and well educated on topics that you all can relate to...)

You have only ONE life, you have been conceived, might as well LIVE....