I need advice please.

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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Bkxp9
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2016 7:34 am

I need advice please.

Postby Bkxp9 » Tue Jul 19, 2016 8:16 am

I'm 28 male and I've had depression/anxiety on and off since elementary school. This past year has been the worst for me with a divorce, loss of what I thought were my best friends, high stress job, struggling with finances, etc... In the past year I've been arrested 2 times(never been in any kind of trouble til now) on days I was really low and drinking. I lost it on these days and do not think I'd be here had I not been arrested. Being arrested only added to my stress with cost of court, fines, etc... And the feeling of embarrassment/regret for what I've done. I've seen 3 doctors, the first 2 I was completely honest with and neither felt they could help. 1 of those doctors asked if I'd be willing to leave straight from there to a facility to be evaluated by specialist which I agreed to until I got there and found out id be there for a week. I wanted the help but I can't afford to be out of work as I'm already struggling with bills now, I felt so hopeless and wanted to give up but decided to try another a co-worker had talked about. This 3rd Doctor I wasn't so in depth with my feelings and I've been trying meds for about 2 months now but no luck so far. This next appointment if I tell them I don't feel improvement they will refer me to specialist as they have tried what meds they have experience with. Including now and some in the past I've tried Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil and now Wellbutrin but I just don't feel anything. I can't help but to feel like nothing is going to work and I won't come out of this slump I'm in, which scares me. I went from being a happy, always making people laugh, wanting no enemies, help anyone I could to not feeling comfortable around anyone, lonely, lost, confused with what's going on, I don't enjoy hobbies/activities that I used to Love. I used to always stay up as long as I could because I hated to sleep. Now I can lay in bed all weekend with no want of getting out of bed or talking to people. Lots of days it's like I keep going back to bed like it will be different the next time I wake up and sometimes I think about how it would be to not wake back up. How nice it would be to leave all this stress and hurt. I feel so weak when I cry myself to sleep sometimes, I can't talk to anyone about how I feel without falling apart which embarrasses me. It's all I can do somedays to get myself up and go to the job I hate but I need it so bad rite now. In the divorce I took all the debt and have to redo everything into my name only but that isn't going well and if I change jobs or get anymore behind I'll ruin that chance and my ex wife's credit too. We did divorce but It was due to growing apart over the last 10yrs and even though there has been some anger expressed between us the thought of me failing and ruining her credit too is crushing to me. I'm trying to sell off somethings now with plans to get some finances taken care of and maybe a new job but I'm having no such luck yet. If you have felt like this and have positive info or know of another medication that might work for me please let me know.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: I need advice please.

Postby 100footpole » Wed Jul 20, 2016 12:37 pm

I'm sorry that I have no advice for you, except maybe keep writing.

Have you been on the chat rooms?

I wouldn't ask for advice for yourself, but you might share some of the things you're going through there and look for people that have overcome similar difficulties.

My take on medicine is that it changes you temporarily, but it hasn't been the answer for me, it just gives me enough room in my feelings to try to change some of my behaviors. Slowly I have found things that work for me, but I doubt they would do anyone else much good ... the changes get interpreted as eccentricities, but they help me see that I have some control over my anxiety, and leave me with the hope that one day I will be content.

Woodland
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 1:42 pm

Re: I need advice please.

Postby Woodland » Thu Jul 21, 2016 1:55 pm

It's hard to give advice when you don't really know the person who's asking for it, but it sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now.

I suppose the best practical advice I could give you right now is to try to find a doctor who will be understanding and sympathetic. Probably not an easy task. I don't really want to offer you emotional advice at the moment, because I'm not even remotely equipped to. However, you're not entirely alone. I, for one, want you to be okay. I know that doesn't mean much because we don't know each other, but there are people out there who care about you as a human being. Sorry if all that sounded weird.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: I need advice please.

Postby 100footpole » Fri Jul 22, 2016 11:28 am

Great reply Woodland.

Really captures the limitations of this means of communication.

We are all friends separated by distance, so the primary things we can offer are sympathy and understanding.

Ender
Posts: 12
Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 3:50 pm
Location: New York

Re: I need advice please.

Postby Ender » Sun Jul 24, 2016 5:30 am

Reading this I couldn't help but feel that you and I have so much in common. And if I knew you in person I would hug you, take your hand and say "come on friend, we will figure this out together." While I would love to be able to do that, all I am able to say from here is this. Keep fighting. It's hard, it's painful, it feels hopeless and pointless at times. I too have trouble getting out of bed, or staying out of bed, when all I want to do is sleep the days away to escape this life I live. Financial difficulty, a job you hate, lack of friends and support from those you care about...I'm there too. All I can say is keep fighting. It's not over.

-Ender-

cowboy954
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:17 pm

Re: I need advice please.

Postby cowboy954 » Mon Jul 25, 2016 7:22 pm

Have you ever looked into ketamine treatment? It has helped me and performed absolute miracles for my wife. She went from almost catatonic to wanting to live again in hours. It was a blessing. The down side is its hard to find and expensive (but not if you think of the other cost of drugs and missed work etc) It is the only thing I have ever seen to treat depression and bipolar in hours instead of months.

YMMV

big hugs and wish you the best.

100footpole
Posts: 477
Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2014 1:26 pm

Re: I need advice please.

Postby 100footpole » Tue Jul 26, 2016 9:16 am

I'm always suspicious of magic bullets.

Could you tell us more Cowboy954?

It is my belief that change has to occur from the inside, but that drugs provide a way to effect that change. I am depressed, but not bi-polar. Because my mood never has a phase when I feel good, I look for ways to build habits that enable me to feel have a feeling of accomplishment.


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