No one knows the real me

[Cyndarella]

I'm not even sure if I know the real me anymore. I feel like I can never be myself with anyone. Not my friends. Not my family. Like there is always a part of me that remains hidden because I've built myself up over the years to be someone I am not. It is emotionally exhausting. Everyday is a struggle to keep it together. Sometimes I lose it and I end up in tears on the floor, hyperventilating and wanting to die. I can't see a future for myself anywhere because of all the lies that surround me and who I am. I am about to graduate college and I don't have any plans. I can't go home but I have no where else to go. I cannot leave my family behind. But I cannot stay here. I am in limbo.

[dodie]

I was diagnosed with situational depression about 3 1/2 years ago. My mother suffered from depression. I am not sure I inherited it from her.

My family life is challenging. My SO who is basically a good guy, has OCD.

I have a son and daughter, both adults. As they say, "there's a lot of water under the bridge" and they stay in touch when and if they choose to.

Enough said.

[100footpole]

Cyndarella,

I am about to graduate college and I don't have any plans. I can't go home but I have no where else to go.

I've been there, its a scary place. It ended up with military service for me, which I do not recommend, except if you want to take directions from sociopaths. On the other hand, I've talked to some people who did OK with that option because a large part of the military doesn't actually have to work the machinery.

Have you talked to your professors about how to take the first step with your career? What did they say? Talk to the adjuncts in the department for your major too....